Making the Schools and Colleges Responsible for Bullying

I copied and pasted this article from the New York Times. Finally, someone is telling schools and colleges that they are responsible for bullying and that might be ILLEGAL!




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October 25, 2010

Help Stop Bullying, U.S. Tells EducatorsBy SAM DILLON

In a 10-page letter to be sent on Tuesday to thousands of school districts and colleges, the Department of Education urges the nation’s educators to ensure that they are complying with their responsibilities to prevent harassment, as laid out in federal laws.



The letter is the product of a yearlong review of the federal statutes and case law covering sexual, racial and other forms of harassment, officials said. Issuing the letter took on new urgency in recent weeks because of a string of high-profile cases in which students have committed suicide after enduring bullying by classmates, the officials said.



In one case, Tyler Clementi, an 18-year-old Rutgers University freshman, jumped from the George Washington Bridge in an apparent suicide last month, days after his roommate, according to prosecutors, streamed over the Internet his intimate encounter with another man.



The department issued the letter to clarify the legal responsibilities of the authorities in public schools and in colleges and universities under federal laws, the officials said. Certain forms of student bullying might violate federal anti-discrimination law.



“I am writing to remind you that some student misconduct that falls under a school’s anti-bullying policy also may trigger responsibilities under one or more of the federal anti-discrimination laws,” says the letter, signed by Russlynn H. Ali, assistant secretary for civil rights.



According to data collected by the department’s research wing last year, one-third of all students ages 12 to 18 felt that they were being bullied or harassed at school, Ms. Ali said in an interview.



“Folks need to wake up,” Ms. Ali said. “We have a crisis in our schools in which bullying and harassment seems to be a rite of passage, and it doesn’t need to be that way.”



“Harassing conduct may take many forms, including verbal acts and name-calling; graphic and written statements, which may include use of cellphones or the Internet; or other conduct that may be physically threatening, harmful, or humiliating,” the letter says. “Harassment does not have to include intent to harm, be directed at a specific target, or involve repeated incidents. Harassment creates a hostile environment when the conduct is sufficiently severe, pervasive, or persistent so as to interfere with or limit a student’s ability to participate in or benefit from the services, activities, or opportunities offered by a school.”



Harassment based on race, color, national origin, sex or disability it violates the federal civil rights laws, the letter said.

Here is an Effective Material that you can have your Child Use to Increase his Focus

There are some materials that I have been using effectively that I wanted to tell you about. On of these products is Wikki Sticks, which is a product that you can use to help your child to diminish his distractibility. Children with ADHD are more focused when they manipulate something, and Wikki Sticks encourages creativity and focus both due to their bright colors and flexibility  Your child’s productivity will not be diminished when he is using Wikk Sticks. On the other hand, his productivity should increase, because as his hands are busy playing with the Wikki Sticks, his mind is free to focus on whatever you are telling or teaching him. More tomorrow...

Is ADHD a delay in brain maturation or does it represent a complete deviation from the template of typical development?

This article is the most recent, valid and reliable research that has been completed on ADHD, which explains this conundrum of a disorder.

This definitive research on ADHD was completed by P. Shaw†‡, K. Eckstrand†, W. Sharp†, J. Blumenthal†, J. P. Lerch§, D. Greenstein†, L. Clasen†, A. Evans§, J. Giedd†, and J. L. Rapoport†, (not me!) at the National Institute of Health and is entitled: Attention-deficit/hyperactivity disorder is characterized by a delay in cortical maturation.

 Even though I tried, it is virtually impossible to copy a PDF onto a blog, so if you would like to read the article, please contact me, and I will email it to you.
What did they study and what were their results?

The debate has been over whether the disorder is caused by “…a delay in brain maturation or whether it represents a complete deviation from the template of typical development” (Shaw et al., 2007, Proceedings of the National Academy of Sciences, p. 19649-19654).

Their results found that in young people, with ADHD, the brain matures in a normal pattern but is delayed three years in some regions, on average, as compared to young people without ADHD (National Institute of Mental Health). Therefore, if your child is 12 years old, his inappropriate behavior may actually represent the behavior of a nine year old! Now that explains so much, right???

Dr. Shaw told the CHADD conference in 2007 that "If ADHD was a complete deviation away from normal brain development, you'd expect the sequence to be completely disrupted," "It wasn’t. So we think this is pretty strong evidence that ADHD is more of a delay in brain development" (P. Shaw, personal communication, November 10, 2007)

"These children should arguably grow out of ADHD," which is very optimistic news for parents of children with ADHD or people who work wth children with ADHD.

How can you Prevent your Child from being Cyberbullied?

What is cyberbullying? Dr. Sameer Hinduja and Dr. Justin W. Patchin of the Cyberbullying Research Center state that cyberbullying is “willful and repeated harm inflicted through the use of computers, cell phones, and other electronic devices.” They also state that “Basically, we are referring to incidents where adolescents use technology, usually computers or cell phones, to harass, threaten, humiliate, or otherwise hassle their peers.” How can we protect our children from being cyberbullied without making them feel that we are not respecting their independent right to go on the Internet?

I know that we have discussed the importance of helping your child to become independent, but some things cross the line over into protecting your child and keeping him safe. This is true whether or not your child is in the elementary grades, in middle school or in high school. Do not think that because your child is so bright, that he cannot be caught up in what looks like an enticing environment in a chat room.

It is important that you show your child sites that are safe and especially, those that are dangerous. Explain to him that even though he is not actually meeting the people to whom he speaks in a chat room, that conversation can still be dangerous. Additionally, what is said and written online remains online, and cannot be erased. Be as specific as you can be without frightening your child. The most important issue is to be warm, nurturing and honest, while at the same time, respecting his right to use the Internet as he wishes. How do you know where your child is travelling on the Internet?

You have heard me discuss how vital it is to keep open and trusting communication between your child and yourself. If those lines of communication are indeed open, just ask your child what sites he visits on the Internet. If he shies away from telling you, then that is a sure sign that he may be going to sites that are questionable at least, and possibly dangerous.

You may want to supervise your child’s use of the Internet if he is in elementary school. If you feel that your middle school child is going to places on the Internet where he might be cyberbullied, then you may want to supervise his use of the Internet as well, until you feel secure in the knowledge that he understands the sites that he can use that are safe.

The very reputable site to which I referred in the first paragraph of this entry that researches cyberbullying is http://www.cyberbullying.us/ They have a blog that has an address of http://cyberbullying.us/blog/ Please check it out for accurate and research-based information about cyberbullying.

Cyberbullying

Cyberbullying has become a prevalent problem for our children with ADHD. One of the activities where our children experience hyperfocus is working on the computer. They do their homework on the computer, as they should, but they also travel to various sites, some of which are worrisome. I have spoken before about helping our children to become independent, and making their own decisions. That being said, some of their decisions may be risky. How can a parent encourage their child to become independent while at the same time supervise their time on the computer?

First of all, determine whether or not your child has been affected by cyberbullying. Do you remember that we discussed the body language and behavior that you should watch for in terms of determining whether or not your child has been bullied? In terms of cyberbullying, watch out for similar behaviors. 

Additionally, notice if your child is upset after coming off of the computer. Does he exit quickly and go to be by himself in his room? Is he upset after reading some of his text messages on his cell phone? When you ask him what he was reading or doing on the computer, does he refuse to discuss what he was doing? Has he been spending more hours than usual on either the computer or his cell phone? Does he quickly close his browser when you approach him?

If you can affirm any of those questions, then it is possible that your child is being cyberbullied. What can you do about it? Check my next post.

Do I Let My Child “Burn Out” so that He Realizes that He Needs Help?

Many children with ADHD as they advance into the teenage years become more and more stubborn about accepting help with the symptoms of ADHD. They either stop doing all of their schoolwork or they do it and forget to hand it in, or both. What can you do to help them? Some people think that the only way that an adolescent with ADHD will learn to accept help is to “burn out” and get to a feeling of such frustration, that they will finally be ready for some sort of help.



This is NOT the way to help an adolescent with ADHD. Trust me that when they get to such a low point, they cannot pull themselves back up to accept help. The trick is to work with them before they get to that point so that they never reach it. If they are resistant to help, try to open the gates of communication again. Be warm and nurturing and let them know that you are there for them and not the least bit angry at them because they are experiencing difficulties n school. Remind them that everyone gets frustrated at some point or another. The trick is to try to get them over that frustration point. How can you do so?


Find something at which they have had success and encourage them to involve themselves more in that activity. Say, for example that your child is having difficulty doing his Science work but has had success playing on his soccer team. Try to get him to play more soccer so that he feels successful at something, until he can climb out of the “frustration ditch” of his schoolwork. It is worth a try.

What Should I Say to My Child Who Has Been Teased or Bullied?

We talked about this issue before, but it is so important that I thought that would be a good idea to discuss it again. As in any area of concern that a parent has for their child, it is vital to keep the lines of communication open. You can do that by listening to your child in a warm, nurturing and accepting way. However, It is not always so easy to hear your child talking about an incident such as teasing or bullying without reacting in a way that shows how your level of concern.



That being said, try as hard as you can to respond to what your child is saying rather than to react to it. When you react to what your child has said, the words that you say appear as pure emotion and may in fact, even worry the child more about what has happened to him. When you respond to what your child has said, it implies that you have thought about what has happened and can come up with some strategies and/or suggestions as to what can be done to diminish the bullying.


Before you begin the discussion of anything that is as important as your child being teased or bullied, turn off the television and make sure that your child is not sitting at the computer. In that way, the room where you are having this important conversation with your child is quiet and calm, which will lead to a calm discussion. We all interrupt, even though we all may not have ADHD, but try to listen to your child without saying anything until you are certain that he is finished telling you what has happened to him.


At the same time, by serving as a good, attentive listener, try to understand what happened to your child from his point of view. Do not insert any statements such as, “Did you annoy the child first by interrupting when he was talking to another child?” Do not be critical of his behavior. Instead, try to understand the interaction in which your child was involved without making any value judgments. In that way, you come across as someone to who your child can tell anything.


If you are approachable to your child, he will come to talk to you again. At the same time, give your child time to explain what has happened to him. When you discuss a painful event, do you speak about it fluently or does it oftentimes take some time? I guarantee that it takes time for you to discuss an unpleasant situation that your child has experienced. This will also be true for your child, so try to remain calm and patient.

How can Bullying Really be Stopped?

How can bullying really be stopped? Everyone talks about how to get the school systems involved so that there is a process in place to prevent children from being bullied. I am in agreement with that idea. However, that process takes too much time. Oftentimes, it can take years, and by the time the program has been discussed, written up, agreed upon and passed through the superintendent’s office, the staff has changed and the children to whom this program would have helped no longer attend the school. What can be done to stop bullying faster than an implemented program?



Get the word out to all students that the most effective way, arguably, to stop bullies in their tracks is for witnesses to the bullying, or bystanders, to tell a person in authority that they have witnessed a child being bullied. That type of report by a person who saw the event validates whatever the child who was bullied told that authority.


I cannot tell you how many times a child who has been bullied has said to me “I told an adult and they told me to stop being a tattletale.” Amazing, right? Children who are bullied are told to tell adults what has happened to them, but when they do, they are criticized for doing so. Why don’t more witnesses step up and speak out?


Those children typically are afraid of the possible repercussions that they think might be done to them, which I can certainly understand. One of the children with whom I work, told me that if he witnessed someone being bullied that he would not tell anyone because he was afraid that the bully would come back and bully him. So, how can we ensure that children will report incidents of bullying?


As I said before, we must make all children understand how effective it is when a witness to a bullying event tells an authority figure, in terms of diminishing the amount of bullying that is done in schools. Once a bully learns from that authority figure that a witness saw him do the bullying and what the consequences that he will suffer as a result of bullying someone, I guarantee that the last thing that he will do is to bully the witness.

How Much Time Should I Permit My Child to Play Video Games?

Now that the weather is getting colder, children may be less likely to want to go outside to play. What does that leave them to do? Video games? Even though it seems as if all children play video games, be careful about how long your child plays video games, whether they are hand held, the Wii or computer games. Even though we want our children to hyperfocus, or really experience an intense focus on something, video games are not the venue.



The research has shown that too much video game and/or television viewing arguably may lead to clinical depression. Therefore, make sure that your child plays these games according to a time clock, using either an actual alarm clock or a kitchen timer. When your child plays video games for an hour, make sure that they stop and find something else to amuse themselves. If they cannot tell time as of yet, purchase a clock with a colored flag that counts down the time. These clocks are called Time Timers and may be bought on timetimer.com.


Remember that reading is still one of the best avenues to follow in terms of keeping our children occupied. You may feel that your child will resist having to stop playing video games, but certainly compromises can be made between you and your child. It is important to be assertive, while at the same time being flexible. Tell him that he can play video games for a certain amount of time but after that time expires, he must do something else which can be his choice. Whatever he chooses to do after his allotted video game time is up is fine, as long as it is not more time playing video games!

Is your Child Behind in his Work? What Method can you do to Help him?

Even though my blog is typically about social skills, the other part of my expertise is executive function, specifically as it pertains to a child’s school work. It is vital and imperative that your child remains current with his school work. For example, you do not want hear that your child is behind in three or four assignments because by that time, catching up with that work could be overwhelming. Teachers today have more and more responsibilities, including IEPs, testing, CSE meetings, regular faculty meetings, etc. I am not making an excuse when teachers do not “catch” children before they fall behind. However, our children need to become accountable for their own work as an end goal.

What can you do if you hear that your child is three assignments behind in Science, for example, where he was supposed to read chapters and answer questions as related to those chapters? If your child was current in terms of reading his chapters, then he could read each chapter in a leisured way, while at the same time picking out the most important elements. However, if it is unfortunately too late for that, another method is necessary to follow. 

After explaining to your child that this is NOT the optimal way for reading his chapters when he is caught up, teach him to read the chapters JUST to look for the answers to his questions. In order to do so, he has to learn how to skim the chapters so that he can find the answers to those questions. In order to teach him to skim, before you tell him t do so with his Science, have him try that method out with a book that he likes to read. Sit with him and skim a short chapter yourself, in the hope that he will model the art of skimming by following your example. Then, use the same technique with his Science chapter. Caveat: Only skim a few paragraphs for him in order to model the skimming technique. Then, have him skim a few paragraphs so that you can see if he has picked up the technique. At some point, it is important to fade your help out, so that he will become accountable and responsible for his own work. However, now, he must catch up on his work, while learning an effective technique for the future. 

Another point is to create a schedule WITH him that includes the weekend days. Map out when he will do his work, which work he will do, and when he will do it. Place this collaborative schedule in full view, perhaps on the refrigerator, so that he will see it every single day. He should check off the work that he does each day. How do you get him to do his work if all he wants to do is to play video games on the weekend? Since you have already worked on his schedule together, incorporate that after he completes 20 minutes of work he can play 15 minutes of video games. Once he completes his work, his time is his own! Please let me know how these methods work.

How do you get your Child to Discuss his Emotions? Ask him to Draw a Picture of his Interactions with Another Child and then Talk about it

Here is an idea for parents to work with their child to help him to understand how he interacts with other children. Get a dry erase board and of course, dry erase markers. Ask him to draw a story about an interaction between him and another child or other children where something happened that he did not expect. This is a good activity for a child who may be less in touch with his emotions than would be optimal. It may be difficult to get the point across that the picture that he is drawing is personal to him. Whatever he draws at first is a good start, so that you and he can begin a conversation about whatever interaction he is drawing about, whether real or fabricated.


Remember that even if a child writes a fictional account, some of what he is drawing may be related to his real life experiences. One child with whom I work drew a picture in a comic book design about two children on a swing set, one of whom flies so high up in the air that he falls off. It was so interesting that he drew in the restricted pattern of 15 boxes. Children with ADHD work more effectively and more efficiently when they work within a paradigm of structure. Perhaps that is why he chose to draw his story within that design.

Here is a similar picture to the one that he drew. What do you think he was trying to say here?

The "Football Team Mentality"

One of the teachers at the conference told me that she has a jar in her classroom that she puts pennies in when everyone behaves. I told her that this was the "football team" mentality. In other words, everyone places pressure on each other to behave. This method is fine UNLESS the groups gets down on the one child who is not behaving. You know your class. If the group does not criticize the child who misbehaves, then fine.

However, children with ADHD typically have low self-esteem due arguably to being criticized every day of their lives. Therefore, if the group begins criticizing one child, I would throw out that intervention

My Presentation from the CEC Conference

I have been trying all day to attach the audio recording of my presentation on ADHD and Social Skills that I gave this weekend at the CEC Convention in Saratoga Springs, N.Y. to my blog. Unfortunately, I have not had any success at doing so. If you would like to hear my audio recording and/or to receive a copy of my Power Point, please email me at estamrapoport@gmail.com, and I will send it to you immediately. Thank you!

How to Diminish Interrupting

When I was presenting this weekend at the Council for Exceptional Children Conference in Saratoga Springs, N.Y, some of the attendees asked me about some interesting questions. Here is one:

“I have a graduate student whom I am teaching who constantly interrupts my teaching with his incessant questions. What can I do to stop him from interrupting my lesson?”

Here is my suggestion:
We know that exercise diminishes hyperactive and impulsive behavior. Before you begin teaching, see if you can get him to get any sort of exercise that you can. Tell him “I am desperate for a cup of coffee. Would you possibly be able to go to the student center and pick me up a cup of coffee?” Whatever you can suggest that would get him to walk around before your class will diminish his impulsive talking.

Children, adolescents and adults with ADHD typically do not have a worldview where they understand the consequences of their actions. Additionally, with the permission of the “powers that be” at your school, ask if you can have someone videotape your lesson where his interrupting will be evident. Show him the video and see if he reacts in a way that you will know that he clearly sees that his talking and interrupting is inappropriate. If he does not see that his behavior is inappropriate, prompt him with open-ended questions about the behavior of all of the students in the class, clearly alluding to his misbehavior. Be careful, however, because people with A DHD typically have low self-esteem. You want to concentrate on how to help him to diminish his misbehavior without making him feel embarrassed. You can be honest without being negative. He has to know that if he agrees to let you help him, that he can diminish his inappropriate behavior.

Self-talk can be used very successfully in this situation. If you have experienced a similar situation, let me k now and I will design a task card booklet for this problem.

Today's Presentation

I am presenting my book today on ADHD and Social Skills at the CEC Convention in Saratoga Springs, N.Y. at 11:00 at the Gideon Putnam Hotel in the Hathorne Room. Come on down!

I am also presenting, I believe, on November 4th in Hawthorne, N.Y. at 7:30 P.M. I will let you know the details in my next post.

Using the Wii to Teach and Information on some New Game Systems you can Use to Teach

As I promised, I am reporting from the Council for Exceptional Children (CEC) Conference in Saratoga Springs, N.Y. I just listened to an interesting presentation on the Wii game system. Even though there are few if any research studies on whether or not the Wii increases focus and concentration, it APPEARS that this is possible. Additionally, using certain games would be considered exercising, which definitely decreases distractibility and hyperactivity.

The games they discussed are the following:

Pet Rescue which is for early childhood children
Playground which seems to be appropriate for children in the elementary grades
Cooking Mama which seems to be appropriate for children in the elementary grades

They also mentioned some new game systems that are effective to use in teaching as well. Some of these are voice activated. These new game systems are:

Sony Move
Microsoft Kinect
Project Natal which is X Box 360.

Apparently, there is an interesting article in the October 2010 Popular Science magazine which compares the various gaming systems.

Lastly, here is a you tube link that shows some of the new Project Natal system. It is:

youtube.com/watch?v=Rhd5xVkxnYg

How Can We Convince Our Children to Exercise?

I finally arrived at the Council For Exceptional Children Convention in Saratoga Springs, N.Y., after a three hour trip from Westchester County, N.Y. I must say that the foliage is out up here, in all of its beauty. I did not see my favorite shades of red, but I did see some beautiful yellows and oranges.

As I was driving, I thought about that even though we know that exercise impacts our children with ADHD in a positive way by diminishing their hyperactivity, their impulsity as well as the distractibility that characterizes our children, how can we get them to actually exercise? Exercise seems to be a word about which many of our children do not want to hear.

Perhaps if you link up exercise with the incredibly natural beauty of wherever you live, it might be easier to convince our children to exercise. Perhaps, make the experience more fun by designing a scavenger hunt, for example. However, find out the learning style that is the strongest for your child so that he is more likely to listen to and focus on your instructions, as well as what items he has to find. Give it a try!

Reaching Out for Help

Parents of children with ADHD have told me that they often feel lonely and overwhelmed in managing their children's symptoms. We often talk about what is best for our children with this conundrum of a disorder. We should think of our own well-being as parents, as well. Make sure that you reach out to whomever is necessary to help you with your children's issues, which includes your children's teachers, administrators, school psychologists, as well as wonderful organizations such as Children and Adults with Attention-Deficit/Hyperactivity Disorder (CHADD).

It is difficult enough to deal with our children with ADHD and and their academic and social difficulties, but to maneuver "the system" without help in terms of not only accommodations but support for our own struggles may be a losing battle.

Come to See My Panel Discussion on Children with ADHD and Social Skills

I will be attending the New York State Exceptional Children (CEC) Annual Convention from Friday morning until Saturday afternoon. I am leading a panel, so if any of you want to come, that would be great. I will have copies of my book that I will gladly sign. Here are the details:

NYS Council for Exceptional Children (CEC)
Gideon Putnam Resort
Saratoga Springs, N.Y. 12866
Phone: 518-584-3000

My panel discussion will be on Saturday, October 9th from 11:00 to 11:50 in the Hathorne Room. It is called Teachers and Parents Building Positive Social Skills in Children with ADHD.

Let me know ahead of time, if you can, if you plan on attending. You can email me at estamrapoport@gmail.com.

I will be blogging from the conference. See you there!

How do Children with ADHD Receive Criticism?

Receiving criticism well maybe very difficult for children with ADHD. In my opinion, they are often less confident than their typical peers. Why is this? How would you like to hear the following, day in and day out?

✱ “Stop talking!”
✱ “Stop hitting!”
✱ “Biting is not permitted.”
✱ “Go back to your room if you are going to stand there and
interrupt us.”
✱ “I told you to do your homework assignment three times:
Why don’t you listen?”
✱ “You were supposed to bring a raincoat for the trip? Why
did you forget?”

You get the idea. In so many situations, the child with ADHD is yelled at and criticized constantly, as well as being the receiver of negative comments from adults and children. It is seemingly difficult to teach a child to receive criticism well when criticism is the only type of verbiage he receives!

The only way to help the child with ADHD to become better at receiving criticism well is to teach him to separate himself from the criticism that is being directed at him. In other words, the teacher has to help the child with ADHD to interpret the criticisms that are being made to him as meaningless. The teacher must instruct the child not to permit those criticisms to affect how the child really feels about himself. When someone tells the child to stop talking, the teacher should help the child to understand that people are not disinterested in what he is saying, but they just want him to listen more of the time than he talks. The teacher can help the child to listen more effectively.

A good way to teach a child with ADHD to listen more of the time and more accurately is to have the child listen to a story on a CD, either recorded by the teacher or professionally recorded. The teacher should have the actual book next to her at the same time that she listens to the story on the CD. along with the child with ADHD. In this way, she will know the amount of text that she wants the child with ADHD to remember.

She should then ask the child questions after each part to see how much he remembers. If he remembers most of the story, then, by definition, he listened to it well. If he interrupts the reading of the story on the CD, say to him, “Let’s listen now and stop talking, so we can remember the story.” Begin by stopping at short sections that are being read on the CD, even after one paragraph or one page, to ensure that he is listening. Little by little, extend the number of pages that you have read one at a time to see if he remembered the story.

At this point, you can begin to explain to the child with ADHD how much of the time he listened to the story without talking. You can then analogize the way he listened to how he should listen to another child when they are involved in a conversation. You can then explain to the child that when he listens more of the time rather than talking more of the time, people are more interested in what he is talking about. But if the child still receives criticism, how can you teach him to begin receiving criticism well?

Receiving criticism well depends on the confidence level of the child with ADHD. It is more difficult to respond to criticism when a child feels devalued because of that criticism. It
is very important for teachers to work with children with ADHD, as we are trying to do here, to diminish their socially inappropriate behaviors. If those behaviors are reduced, other people will respond less negatively to them. Do you see the cycle here? When the child behaves in a more appropriate way, people respond more positively to him, and he receives criticism well. When the child behaves in a more socially inappropriate way, people respond more negatively to him, and he receives criticism poorly.

A New FREE Video Game to Learn How to Combat Bullying

Read about this new free (yes FREE) video game to teach children how to combat bullying. It is called Herotopia and children can play anonymously.

http://www.tonic.com/article/herotopia-combats-bullying-in-the-virtual-and-real-worlds-tyler-clementi/