Accepting People who are Different

Why teach the child to accept a child who is different from him rather than to just tolerate him? First, let’s get rid of the word tolerate that seems to be in everyone’s vocabulary lately. In my mind, if a child is taught to tolerate a child who is different, he is “putting up with” that child, knowing that he does not like him for whatever reason. When someone teaches a child to accept another child, it means that he likes him. Even though there may be an emphasis today on teaching children to respect (there is that word again) and accept people’s differences, it is an especially important social skill for children with ADHD to learn. Why?



The reason for teaching the skill of accepting people who are different to children with ADHD is because they are different themselves. I may have given similar examples before, but these examples of things that children with ADHD do that make them appear to be different are relevant here as well:






✱ Children with ADHD have difficulty staying in their seats in class.


✱ In situations that are more unstructured, such as gym class, children with ADHD lose their self-control and, among other behaviors, run around in an excitable fashion.


✱ Children with ADHD often are not as patient as typical children when they have to wait for a turn at play.


✱ Children with ADHD are not always willing to cooperate or compromise with other children.


✱ Children with ADHD find change difficult.


✱ Children with ADHD have difficulty making transitions from one activity to another.


✱ Children with ADHD ask questions often using inappropriate language.


✱ Children with ADHD ask questions at inappropriate times.


✱ Children with ADHD talk excessively.


✱ Children with ADHD do not listen well.


✱ Children with ADHD run into rooms.


✱ Children with ADHD barge into others’ conversations and, therefore, interrupt them.


✱ Children with ADHD act out (i.e., hitting and kicking) when they become frustrated.


Teachers would most likely characterize the previous behaviors as socially inappropriate, which might make them appear different from the other children in the class. If you disagree with me and think that some of those behaviors are not socially inappropriate, then try this exercise: Close your eyes and imagine how a child who exhibits these behaviors could fit into a typical classroom without appearing different. If you still disagree, then please tell me how that would be so. So, you can see why children with ADHD need to learn about understanding and accepting people who are different.


Teaching this social skill requires in-depth discussions with these children. They need to understand that each person is unique, so if they appear not to be the same as the others, that is okay. Children with ADHD, due to inattentiveness, however, may not notice the differences among people. In fact, they may say whatever “pops into their head,” and sometimes make inappropriate comments about other children and do not even realize it.


It is important to teach children with ADHD how people may be different on the outside, (i.e., skin color, hair color, different eyes, different dress, etc.), but may be similar in terms of beliefs, values, and behavior. A good book that may help eachers to instruct children with ADHD to learn that each person is unique is Accept and Value Each Person by Cheryl J. Meiners (2004). It is particularly important to teach this social skill to children with ADHD who are brought up in restricted, narrow settings, such as Orthodox Jews, children who live in inner cities, people of Amish descent, and Mormons. Why?


These children may never see a child who is different from them within their school and extracurricular activities because they only interact with children within their religious or ethnic group. Some children with ADHD may learn this important skill through reading about it, while others will require role playing as well as more in-depth explanations.


Intervention:


Teaching the method of reciprocal conversation is challenging due to the distractibility of the child with ADHD, but if done correctly, the child will come away with a real understanding of accepting people who are different. You will, of course, have to make sure that the child is maintaining eye contact before trying this method of social skills training. Try a question and answer session first.






✱ “What color is your skin?”


✱ “Is the skin of your classmates the same color?” If not, “What color is their skin?” (Researchers state that children are aware of skin color at a young age [Derman-Sparks, 1989, p. 2].) Make sure that the child has paid attention to his classmates’ skin color. If not, you need to stop here and talk to the child about how to recognize his classmates’ skin color. The teacher or the parent must show the child with ADHD pictures of children of various “colors” and make sure that he can discriminate among them. Why is that important? You must make sure that the child understands the concept of difference and being able to discriminate between people’s skin color is a good way to begin. Okay, back to the conversation:






✱ “Do the children’s skin colors in your class make the children different from you?”


✱ “If so, how does their skin color make them different?”


✱ “Do the children in your class play with the same things or with different things than you?”


✱ “What do you like to play?”


✱ “Does everyone in your class wear similar clothing?”


✱ “Does everyone in your class have the same customs?”


✱ “What are some of your beliefs? For example, are you nice to people who are nice to you? Do you do things for people who are nice to you? Do the children in your class have similar values?”


By incorporating the answers to the posed questions, the teacher should then be able to teach the child about accepting people who are different. This lesson may have to be repeated in several ways. One way to reinforce this social skill, for example, is to have the teacher and the child with ADHD write a social story together based on the lessons learned from the conversation.


Intervention:

WRITING SOCIAL STORIES


Social Story: Accepting People Who Are Different






✱ You may be different from your classmates in terms of the color of their skin, dress, and culture.


✱ It is important to treat each and every one in your class with respect, no matter what their differences.


✱ The differences of each person in your class should be looked at positively and appreciated.


✱ No matter how different people seem in your class, everyone can work and play together successfully.






Being Different Is a Positive Attribute




Sometimes reading a story that articulates the positive side of being different can be a big help to the child with ADHD. An example of such a story is Tacky the Penguin by Helen Lester (1998). Tacky the Penguin is the story of Tacky, a penguin who did not behave in the same way as the other penguins.


For instance:


✱ The other penguins greeted others quietly, while Tacky greeted others by slapping them on their backs.


✱ The other penguins marched in order, while Tacky marched out of order.


✱ The other penguins dove into the water gracefully, while Tacky made a huge splash.


✱ The other penguins sang lovely songs, while Tacky sang odd songs.


Tacky used his difference in a positive way when hunters came to their home one day. He slapped them on the backs, marched out of order, and sang songs that irritated the hunters so much that Tacky made them leave the penguins alone and go away from their home! The other penguins appreciated him for what his difference helped him accomplish. Tacky used his difference to get the hunters to go away without harming the penguins. This is a great book to read to a child with ADHD because oftentimes, these children think that they are different in a weird, strange way. Children with ADHD think that others think of them as different as well, but unlike Tacky, in a negative way.


Children with ADHD often think that other children do not like them as well. Some of their thinking may unfortunately be correct. However, they can be taught that some of the characteristics that make them different can be used in a positive


way, just as Tacky did. For example, especially in consideration of the fact that children with ADHD often feel different from other children, it would be good for them to work on accepting peer suggestions for activities.