Sunday, March 1, 2020

WHAT STRESS SHOULD I ANTICIPATE IN TRYING TO MANAGE THE BEHAVIOR OF MY PRESCHOOL CHILD WITH ADHD?





The amount of stress that you experience depends to a large extent on what kinds of events cause you to become anxious. Some people become frazzled in their work environment and not in their home environment. For others, the opposite is true. How each person deals with the impact of stress is also individual. Perhaps stress and how each person responds to it may be related to whether or not these individuals have other successes in their lives. Perhaps it is related to whether or not they have friends. Perhaps it is related to whether or not they have a successful relationship with a significant other. Perhaps a person’s stress is related to something out of their control and of which they are not aware.



So, it appears that stress and how it affects each person is related to an intersection of many variables in their lives. It is also important how long that a person permits stress to affect them. Do you have stress at work and let it affect your interaction with your child? If your child spills a cup of juice on your wood floor, do you start yelling at him instead of realizing that these types of things happen and have him help you to clean it up? As has been stated previously, none of us are perfect. Therefore, if you have had a stressful day at work, on that day, it just may happen that you reprimand your child more harshly than he deserves.



Just remember, however, that preschool children with ADHD react differently than children who do not have ADHD. Their self-esteem may not be formed yet and in fact may be negatively impacted by their ADHD, so they may become more upset than a typical child. These children certainly do not mean to behave in an inappropriate way. Therefore, they are not exhibiting socially inappropriate behavior on purpose!



As I have stated previously, these children are somehow reprimanded and yelled at all too frequently, so if you have done so, just try not to let it happen all of the time. If it does happen, explain to your child that you have had a rough day at work and that you did not mean to yell at him for whatever he did.



A child’s socially inappropriate behavior may result in harsh parental reactions which may, in turn, increase the preschool child with ADHD’s socially inappropriate behaviors even more. It is possible that if you intercede by talking to your child about the negative behavior that you feel he should not have exhibited, you may have interrupted the child’s socially inappropriate behavior just enough to stop it for that moment.



Back to stress. . . . The reality of raising a preschool child with ADHD is that you will be dealing with stress as related to the behaviors that your child exhibits, the reactions of people who witness your child’s behavior, the attitudes of teachers toward your child, and the responses of your family to seeing behavior that is in all likelihood dissimilar to their own child’s behavior. Additionally, and even more important is that trying to manage your child with ADHD’s behavior every minute of every day, as a preschool child said, is “super” stressful.



It is imperative that you work on trying to control your own stress, (and clearly that is not easy), so that your child does not pick up negative signs from your behavior. You almost have to develop a turtle shell so that you are not constantly upset. Acting as if other people’s negative responses to your child’s behavior does not affect you is very difficult, but it is essential to try to do so.



The situation that is one of the most difficult is that every simple request that you ask your child to do may result in him behaving in a socially inappropriate way. That is arguably the most stressful part. The only way to diminish your stress (because you will in all likelihood not erase it) is to think intentionally and ahead of time about all of the possible socially inappropriate behaviors that your child might exhibit. In that way, when and if these socially inappropriate behaviors occur, you will have a plan of action as well as a barometer of your own stress.



Make a list of the socially inappropriate behaviors that you have observed over a five-day period of time. Next to each behavior, write a possible response for yourself. The use of the word “response” here instead of the word “react” should indicate to you that your behavior must be well thought out and planned. In the introduction to my book, Positive Behavior, Social Skills, and Self-Esteem: A Parent’s Guide to Preschool ADHD, by Rowman and Littlefield, you will find a discussion of this predetermined way of thinking. A reaction is a quick and uncontrolled behavior. A response is well thought out and strategic. The discussion of this thought process is stated again here to emphasize how important your behavior is to your child’s behavior. If you are organized and intentional in your mind ahead of time, you will respond (and not react) to your preschool child with ADHD’s behavior in the best way possible, while experiencing as little stress as possible.

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