DO I MANAGE ALL OF THE SOCIALLY INAPPROPRIATE BEHAVIORS THAT MY PRESCHOOL CHILD WITH ADHD EXHIBITS?

 There are some behaviors that you will find more success at diminishing if you selectively ignore them instead of managing them. The main idea here is that children will often continue behaving in a certain way if they receive any attention of any kind, positive or negative. Therefore, if parents want to diminish certain specific behaviors, they should purposely and selectively ignore these behaviors.

 An important concern here is your own stress. If you can successfully ignore your preschool child with ADHD’s socially inappropriate behaviors, your own stress levels will decrease. If you are able to do so, you will have successfully eliminated some of the behaviors that your child exhibits that annoy you, as well the ones that give you the most stress.

There are two caveats here, however. The first caveat is that the use of selective ignoring must be consistent and correct. What does this mean? It is imperative that any adult who is observing her child’s socially inappropriate behavior must not comment on that behavior. This means that neither parent should engage the child in discussing the socially inappropriate behavior that he is exhibiting. In fact, if either parent talks to the child about the socially inappropriate behavior that he has just exhibited, that behavior will most likely increase once again.

However, if the selective ignoring of socially inappropriate behavior is to work most effectively, it is vital that positive behaviors are recognized and praised. For example, if the child is continuously getting out of his chair at a meal, when he does sit as is required, the parents need to immediately say, “I love the way you are sitting and staying in your seat.” The previous phrase or similar comments may not seem natural for you to say, but they will really work to diminish your child’s socially inappropriate behavior.

The second caveat is that, in order for selective ignoring to be effective, there is some likelihood that the child’s negative behavior will increase to a larger degree before it ceases immediately. Therefore, if you pay attention to the child’s socially inappropriate behavior as it increases temporarily, your reaction will cause the child’s behavior to remain and possibly even grow in intensity.

 I cannot say that the child knows or even understands that when his parent attends to his socially inappropriate behavior that his behavior will escalate. However, it just happens that when parents reinforce a negative behavior, there will be an increase in the number of times that the child exhibits that behavior, as well as an increase in the intensity of that behavior. Ignoring socially inappropriate behavior is challenging for parents, however. Parents must learn to respond instead of to react. The reactive response would be to say to the child who is bouncing up and down in his chair at a meal, “Stop that now. Do not do that or you will have to go to time out.” Instead, responding is a much more effective tool than reacting, because it is behavior on the parent’s part that is intentional instead of unpredictable. The responsive behavior would be to say, “I really like the way you are using your napkin to wipe your face when it gets dirty” while ignoring the inappropriate behavior of bouncing up and down in his chair. 

Stay tuned for more information!