The amount of stress that you
experience depends to a large extent on what kinds of events cause you to
become anxious. Some people become frazzled in their work environment and not
in their home environment. For others, the opposite is true. How each person
deals with the impact of stress is also individual. Perhaps stress and how each
person responds to it may be related to whether or not these individuals have
other successes in their lives. Perhaps it is related to whether or not they
have friends. Perhaps it is related to whether or not they have a successful
relationship with a significant other. Perhaps a person’s stress is related to
something out of their control and of which they are not aware.
So, it appears that stress and
how it affects each person is related to an intersection of many variables in
their lives. It is also important how long that a person permits stress to
affect them. Do you have stress at work and let it affect your interaction with
your child? If your child spills a cup of juice on your wood floor, do you
start yelling at him instead of realizing that these types of things happen and
have him help you to clean it up? As has been stated previously, none of us are
perfect. Therefore, if you have had a stressful day at work, on that day, it
just may happen that you reprimand your child more harshly than he deserves.
Just remember, however, that
preschool children with ADHD react differently than children who do not have
ADHD. Their self-esteem may not be formed yet and in fact may be negatively
impacted by their ADHD, so they may become more upset than a typical child.
These children certainly do not mean to behave in an inappropriate way.
Therefore, they are not exhibiting socially inappropriate behavior on
purpose!
As I have stated previously,
these children are somehow reprimanded and yelled at all too frequently, so if
you have done so, just try not to let it happen all of the time. If it does
happen, explain to your child that you have had a rough day at work and that
you did not mean to yell at him for whatever he did.
A child’s socially inappropriate
behavior may result in harsh parental reactions which may, in turn,
increase the preschool child with ADHD’s socially inappropriate behaviors even
more. It is possible that if you intercede by talking to your child about the
negative behavior that you feel he should not have exhibited, you may have
interrupted the child’s socially inappropriate behavior just enough to stop it
for that moment.
Back to stress. . . . The reality
of raising a preschool child with ADHD is that you will be dealing with stress
as related to the behaviors that your child exhibits, the reactions of people
who witness your child’s behavior, the attitudes of teachers toward your child,
and the responses of your family to seeing behavior that is in all likelihood dissimilar
to their own child’s behavior. Additionally, and even more important is that
trying to manage your child with ADHD’s behavior every minute of every day, as a
preschool child said, is “super” stressful.
It is imperative that you work on
trying to control your own stress, (and clearly that is not easy), so that your
child does not pick up negative signs from your behavior. You almost have to
develop a turtle shell so that you are not constantly upset. Acting as if other
people’s negative responses to your child’s behavior does not affect you is
very difficult, but it is essential to try to do so.
The situation that is one of the
most difficult is that every simple request that you ask your child to do may
result in him behaving in a socially inappropriate way. That is arguably the
most stressful part. The only way to diminish your stress (because you will in
all likelihood not erase it) is to think intentionally and ahead of time about
all of the possible socially inappropriate behaviors that your child might
exhibit. In that way, when and if these socially inappropriate behaviors occur,
you will have a plan of action as well as a barometer of your own stress.
Make a list of the socially
inappropriate behaviors that you have observed over a five-day period of time.
Next to each behavior, write a possible response for yourself. The use of the
word “response” here instead of the word “react” should indicate to you that
your behavior must be well thought out and planned. In the introduction to my
book, Positive Behavior, Social Skills,
and Self-Esteem: A Parent’s Guide to Preschool ADHD, by Rowman and
Littlefield, you will find a discussion of this predetermined way of thinking.
A reaction is a quick and uncontrolled behavior. A response is well thought out
and strategic. The discussion of this thought process is stated again here to emphasize
how important your behavior is to your child’s behavior. If you are organized
and intentional in your mind ahead of time, you will respond (and not react)
to your preschool child with ADHD’s behavior in the best way possible, while experiencing
as little stress as possible.
