DO I DISCIPLINE MY PRESCHOOL CHILD WITH ADHD WHEN HE CANNOT CONTROL HIS OWN BEHAVIOR?

 

Should preschool children with ADHD be disciplined when it is known that they cannot control their own behavior? Clearly, they do not willfully misbehave. As delineated in the diagnostic criteria that describe ADHD, these children are impulsive, hyperactive, and inattentive. Certainly, I would implement all of the interventions that you will read about or have read about in my first book, ADHD and Social Skills: A Step-by-Step Guide for Teachers and Parents. Sometimes, however, you may feel that your child needs something more.

 

Do you believe in time out? If you do, here is a caveat: By giving a preschool child with ADHD time out, you may be punishing him for behavior that he cannot control. When you tell a preschool child with ADHD that he has to go to time out, you take the chance of embarrassing him and making him feel poorly about himself. These children already have poor self-esteem. Why make them feel worse about themselves? When time outs are used with these children, they may just be counterproductive. “Unfortunately, using a time-out as a punitive method with kids diagnosed with ADHD may turn out to be counterproductive” (Armstrong, 2018, np). In fact, there is every reason to believe that preschool children with ADHD will just be more active when they are in a place where they are alone. They will, in all likelihood, stimulate themselves. What is the alternative? What these preschool children with ADHD need is a place where they can try to achieve some quiet and relaxation. Permit them to have control over the time that they spend in a place that they choose.

 

In fact, give your child a Time Timer1 and tell him to make a decision on the length of time that he will spend there. You can call it “the quiet place,” “the relaxation place,” or whatever your child wants to call it. There is no reason to make your child feel worse about himself than he already does by making him go to a typical time out. You can instead help your child to realize that he needs some time to unwind. What can he do in his quiet time? He can look at a book, listen to a book, draw a picture, listen to music, or do something else that he enjoys, such as a puzzle.

 

Because you’re changing the purpose of a time-out from passive punishment to working out problems, suggest activities that your child can do in the time-out area to help him gain control and feel better. Possibilities include

 • Visualizing an image that helps him cope (a special place in nature, a favorite trip, or an imaginary journey).

 • Meditating (focus attention on the inflow and outflow of breath, notice distractions that pop up, and return to focus on the breath). • Doing physical relaxation exercises (the yoga pose called the Cat) or imagining that you’re in a cozy elevator. As you feel it slowly descend, you feel more relaxed.

 • Thinking about, writing down, or drawing the solutions to his or her problem (Armstrong, 2018, np).

 

One other activity that your child can do when he is in his quiet place is for him to use a Me Reader. These are electronic readers that typically come with eight books. When you push the button, a voice reads a story to your child. One example is The World of Eric Carle. The instructions are located on the back of the book cover. These Me Readers are really quite entertaining because in addition to a pleasant voice reading your child a story, each story is accompanied by pleasant sounds. Each picture has a color-coded button that corresponds to the text box border on the page that your child is reading. When it is time to turn the page, your child will hear a pleasant chime.

How can you Help Children with ADHD (and Similar Issues) to Adapt more Easily to Online Learning?

 

Here are some pointers:

1.     1.  Remain compassionate about your child’s negative feelings about online learning.

2.      2. Create a school-type environment by giving your child his own desk as well as placing it in an area with few distractions.

3.      3. In the morning, map out your child’s schedule for the day.

4.     4.  After going over his schedule, start him off by writing or drawing a picture of only one assignment on a post-it. When he completes his assignment, allow him to rip up the post-it and throw it away.

5.     5.  If you see that your child is distracted, shorten the work. He will gain more self-esteem by finishing a small amount of work than he will by not completing a longer assignment.

6.     6.  Make time for your child to exercise in some way, on a stationary bike, or on a walk outside accompanied by music to calm him.

7.     7.  At the end of the day, debrief your child. Discuss with him what was productive and what he could improve upon the next day. (Always talking in a positive way.)

 

 

Do Preschool Children with ADHD get Bullied?

 

YES! Preschool children with ADHD certainly do get bullied. In fact, in addition to preschool children with ADHD being bullied, they are also bullies. What does bullying encompass in terms of preschool children with ADHD’s behavior? The bullying might be kicking, knocking down a project, such as block building, being ignored, tripping, as well as not being allowed to play.

How do you convince your preschool child with ADHD to talk about having been bullied?

1.      Try to set up a time for a conversation every day.

2.      Do not put much emphasis on when the bullying happened.

3.      Talk about what happened.

4.      Encourage your child to discuss his feelings.

5.      Use books that have a focus on bullying to encourage your preschool child with ADHD to talk about being bullied.

Here are examples of some books that may help you to encourage your child to discuss the fact that he has been bullied:

Alexander, C. (2008). Lucy and the bully. Park Ride, IL: Albert Whitman and Company.

Best, C. (2001). Shrinking violet. New York: Farrar, Straus & Giroux.

Henkes, K. (2008). Chrysanthemum. New York: HarperCollins Publishers, L.L.C.

Read the book one time to your preschool child with ADHD. Read the book again. Then, talk about bullying to your preschool child with ADHD. Ask him if anything like that has happened to him. The most important thing that you can do is LISTEN to whatever your preschool child with ADHD is saying about having been bullied. Do not interrupt your preschool child with ADHD’s train of thought. Give it a try!

The Emotional Health of Preschool Children with ADHD During Covid

 

The world seems mixed up and upside down to most of us now, due to Covid. In fact, preschool children with ADHD may be worried, sad, and frustrated. Their symptoms may worsen due to their new inconsistent routine. They may experience stress due to changes in their routines,as well as a disconnect from family and friends and major events, such as birthday parties being cancelled. They may have feelings that they cannot control and have difficulty staying focused. One mom the other day told me in a zoom meeting that her daughter just simply walks around saying, “I’m worried, mommy,” most of the time.

What can you do to help your child to simply feel better?

1.      Try to maintain a routine.

2.      Be transparent and truthful about Covid and the need to quarantine if required.

3.      Validate your child’s experiences. Ask him open-ended questions so he is more likely to explain how he feels.

4.      Stay connected with their social networks so they continue to communicate with their friends and family.

5.      Be positive about as much as you can so that he may pick up on your attitude and respond in the same way.

6.      Respond intentionally to your child’s socially inappropriate behavior instead of reacting to it. By responding to his behavior, he will exhibit more socially appropriate behavior than socially inappropriate behavior.

7.      Exercise in some way and encourage your child to do the same in an effort to remain calmer and more relaxed. Even taking a walk or listening to music in an active way may diminish some of his hyperactivity.