When a young child bites or hits, it is usually related to some type of frustration. Despite the fact that we are patient and understanding as related to their frustration, this inappropriate behavior cannot continue. If this biting and/or hitting moves out of your house and onto the playground, all of a sudden that behavior may hurt other children, and may stigmatize your child for exhibiting it. So what can you do?
First, you must understand how socially inappropriate behavior occurs. Something happens to cause the child to exhibit inappropriate behavior. This is called the antecedent. The child then exhibits the socially inappropriate behavior. Finally, after the child exhibits the behavior, he experiences some consequences. By consequences, I mean anything that causes the behavior to occur again and again. For example, if a child tries to be the “class clown,” and the class laughs when he is behaving inappropriately, the consequence, the other children’s’ laughter, causes the child to continue behaving inappropriately. The consequences do not refer to you making him take a time out, necessarily. They only refer to what keeps the behavior going.
The best way to start to try to diminish your child’s inappropriate behavior is to make a list of his socially inappropriate behaviors, what happened before the behavior to possibly cause it and what happened after the behavior to keep it going. Just so you know, one difficult thing is that sometimes whatever happened to cause the inappropriate behavior did not happen recently, but rather, some time ago So, if you cannot find out what happened immediately before the behavior, try to talk to your child to find out if anything happened a while ago. This could be an altercation on the bus, an episode of teasing or being rebuffed by one child.
In my next post, I will talk about what to do with all of that information that you have gathered.
Friday, November 5, 2010
Thursday, November 4, 2010
My Presentation Tonight
Tonight I am speaking to the Mount Pleasant Special Education Parents Teachers Association (SEPTA) at Westlake Middle School, 825 Westlake Drive, Thornwood N.Y. at 7:30 P.M. Come and join us!!! Membership is NOT required.
Wednesday, November 3, 2010
ADHD and Anxiety
Many of our children have a paired or comorbid disorder along with their ADHD. One of the most prevalent is anxiety. Anxiety can show up as an uncertainty in going downstairs when everyone is upstairs, a reluctance to talk to adults or to children, a tendency not to ask the teacher questions, staying on the periphery of groups who are conversing, as well as a myriad of other indications. When you look back on your childhood or adolescence, you might remember experiencing similar feelings.
If you do remember feeling anxious as well, then that would be a good starting point to talk to your child about how you felt during those anxious moments. Additionally, if your child hears that he is not alone in feeling that way, he will feel much better in the knowledge that he is not alone in his feelings. How did you manage your anxiety? Do you still have anxiety? If so, how do you manage it now?
Certain techniques work with certain people and do not work so well in others. One technique to have your child try is self-talk. When a child is experiencing anxiety, he often is overwhelmed with pure emotion. By the time that the anxiety occurs, it is too late to manage and diminish it. If he uses self-talk, when the first sign of anxiety “rears its head,” he can diffuse the anxiety in a major way. Of course, self-talk has to be taught. Here it is in a nutshell:
What do I mean by self-talk? We have discussed it before, but for those who are new to my blog, I will gladly explain it again. Have you ever talked to yourself when you are getting ready to go on a trip? Have you asked yourself, “Have I packed that sweater?” or “Where did I put my keys?” either nonverbally or verbally? Children may use that type of self-talk to help themselves to feel less anxiety. First, the child talks aloud to practice telling himself not to be anxious. Second, he says the same phrase nonverbally, so that only he is hearing it. Each time that he becomes anxious, he tells himself a phrase to diminish his anxiety.
Let me give you an example. The child with ADHD whom I observed in New England had a great deal of anxiety. He especially became anxious when he did not feel that he was familiar with the people who were interacting in close proximity to him. When I first met him, his Mom was talking to me and had not introduced him to me as of yet. By the time she got around to introductions, he was so anxious that he stood at his Mom’s side and kept incessantly talking in a very agitated way. How do I know that he was experiencing anxiety? First, he did not know who I was which, as he told me later, was not a comfortable feeling for him. Second, his mother told me that he was anxious around strangers.
As he stood next to his Mom, perhaps he could have said to himself, “I will stand here quietly until my Mom introduces me to that lady. I will think of something pleasant so that I will be relaxed. I will think about petting my cat, which always gives me a calm, warm feeling.” By the time that his Mom had introduced us, he would have been somewhat relaxed instead of behaving in the anxious way that I observed on that day.
If you do remember feeling anxious as well, then that would be a good starting point to talk to your child about how you felt during those anxious moments. Additionally, if your child hears that he is not alone in feeling that way, he will feel much better in the knowledge that he is not alone in his feelings. How did you manage your anxiety? Do you still have anxiety? If so, how do you manage it now?
Certain techniques work with certain people and do not work so well in others. One technique to have your child try is self-talk. When a child is experiencing anxiety, he often is overwhelmed with pure emotion. By the time that the anxiety occurs, it is too late to manage and diminish it. If he uses self-talk, when the first sign of anxiety “rears its head,” he can diffuse the anxiety in a major way. Of course, self-talk has to be taught. Here it is in a nutshell:
What do I mean by self-talk? We have discussed it before, but for those who are new to my blog, I will gladly explain it again. Have you ever talked to yourself when you are getting ready to go on a trip? Have you asked yourself, “Have I packed that sweater?” or “Where did I put my keys?” either nonverbally or verbally? Children may use that type of self-talk to help themselves to feel less anxiety. First, the child talks aloud to practice telling himself not to be anxious. Second, he says the same phrase nonverbally, so that only he is hearing it. Each time that he becomes anxious, he tells himself a phrase to diminish his anxiety.
Let me give you an example. The child with ADHD whom I observed in New England had a great deal of anxiety. He especially became anxious when he did not feel that he was familiar with the people who were interacting in close proximity to him. When I first met him, his Mom was talking to me and had not introduced him to me as of yet. By the time she got around to introductions, he was so anxious that he stood at his Mom’s side and kept incessantly talking in a very agitated way. How do I know that he was experiencing anxiety? First, he did not know who I was which, as he told me later, was not a comfortable feeling for him. Second, his mother told me that he was anxious around strangers.
As he stood next to his Mom, perhaps he could have said to himself, “I will stand here quietly until my Mom introduces me to that lady. I will think of something pleasant so that I will be relaxed. I will think about petting my cat, which always gives me a calm, warm feeling.” By the time that his Mom had introduced us, he would have been somewhat relaxed instead of behaving in the anxious way that I observed on that day.
Tuesday, November 2, 2010
The Benefits of Exercising on Children's Behavior, Focus and Academic Achievement
This weekend, I attended a wedding of our closest friends’ son in Woodstock, Vermont. I was speaking to my friend Janice there who is a physical education teacher in Hanover, New Hampshire. What was she talking about? She spoke to me about the influence of John Ratey’s work on the benefits of exercise! Do you remember that we talked about his research on the positive influence of exercise on the behavior of children with ADHD? I told her that a mother of one of the children with whom I work told me that when she walks for about 15 minutes with her daughter who has ADHD-hyperactive type before she does her homework, that her daughter is much more focused as compared to when she does not exercise before doing her homework.
Janice told me that in Hanover, they were facilitating a program for all of the elementary children where the children had to exercise one hour a day. She told me that the children were more focused, less hyperactive and that their test scores had gone up. Honestly, I think that it would be very difficult to get children to exercise one hour a day, but certainly it was interesting to hear from someone who works in the schools that exercise does indeed have a positive influence on children’s focus, behavior and academic achievement.
Janice told me that in Hanover, they were facilitating a program for all of the elementary children where the children had to exercise one hour a day. She told me that the children were more focused, less hyperactive and that their test scores had gone up. Honestly, I think that it would be very difficult to get children to exercise one hour a day, but certainly it was interesting to hear from someone who works in the schools that exercise does indeed have a positive influence on children’s focus, behavior and academic achievement.
Come to Hear me Speak at Westlake Middle School, Thursday, November 4, 2010 at 7:30 P.M.
Mount Pleasant Special Education PTA
MP-SEPTA
Invites you to join us for an
informative lecture by
Dr. Esta M. Rapoport
on the subject of
ADHD & Social Skills
Thursday, November 4, 2010 at 7:30pm
Westlake Middle School
825 Westlake Drive, Thornwood
Enter via bus circle in rear of bldg.
BIO
Dr. Esta M. Rapoport is an Assistant Professor of Special Education at the College of New Rochelle in New York. She is experienced in working with children with ADHD and other similar special needs and their parents. She has a B.A. from N.Y.U.,an M.A. from Teachers College, Columbia University, and an Ed.D from Boston University. Her book, ADHD and Social Skills: A Step-by-Step-Guide for Teachers and Parents has been endorsed by elite professionals in the field. Dr. Russell A. Barkley, stated that “This is a lavishly detailed book providing numerous recommendations for ways to address the social interaction problems and social skills impairments associated with ADHD in children." Dr. Rapoport’s social skills training includes interventions to help children with ADHD and similar special needs to learn how to develop positive social skills so that they can make friends and succeed in school and in life. She also assists children to improve their executive function, in terms of learning how to organize their lives both at home and at school so that they can reach their educational and personal goals with less stress.
MP-SEPTA lectures
are open to the public.
Membership is not required.
We look forward to having you join us !
www.MPSEPTA.org
MP-SEPTA
Invites you to join us for an
informative lecture by
Dr. Esta M. Rapoport
on the subject of
ADHD & Social Skills
Thursday, November 4, 2010 at 7:30pm
Westlake Middle School
825 Westlake Drive, Thornwood
Enter via bus circle in rear of bldg.
BIO
Dr. Esta M. Rapoport is an Assistant Professor of Special Education at the College of New Rochelle in New York. She is experienced in working with children with ADHD and other similar special needs and their parents. She has a B.A. from N.Y.U.,an M.A. from Teachers College, Columbia University, and an Ed.D from Boston University. Her book, ADHD and Social Skills: A Step-by-Step-Guide for Teachers and Parents has been endorsed by elite professionals in the field. Dr. Russell A. Barkley, stated that “This is a lavishly detailed book providing numerous recommendations for ways to address the social interaction problems and social skills impairments associated with ADHD in children." Dr. Rapoport’s social skills training includes interventions to help children with ADHD and similar special needs to learn how to develop positive social skills so that they can make friends and succeed in school and in life. She also assists children to improve their executive function, in terms of learning how to organize their lives both at home and at school so that they can reach their educational and personal goals with less stress.
MP-SEPTA lectures
are open to the public.
Membership is not required.
We look forward to having you join us !
www.MPSEPTA.org
Monday, November 1, 2010
What do you do if your child is resistant and noncompliant?
This is a tough issue for anyone to handle. So what can you do to convince your child to do something he does not want to do, such as go to a therapist, when he has a crying fit every time you mention it? Bribery typically does not work, so forget that approach. Take him on a car ride to somewhere that he wants to go, so that he is “locked in” with you and cannot escape. You could go to a mall or to get ice cream. The only two things that matters are that you are both going somewhere he wants to go and that it is a ride of more than a few minutes so that you can talk with him.
As you are driving and talking say to him: “I am not going to make you go to Dr. Smith, but I am just curious as to why you did not want to go.” At this point he will probably say something like “it is so boring every time that I see her.” I would not think that this is going to be the only discussion that you will have with him about his noncompliance and that after this conversation, magically he will agree to go to the therapist. I would merely take the first step and tell him (with rich examples) how many things that you do each day that are boring. That being said, I would explain to him, again in detail that many times one has to do boring things in order to learn new skills. You could use the example of practicing an instrument.
You do not want to push too hard during the first conversation, because your goal here is to that he talks to you again. Next time that you are in the car with him, you can begin (slowly and carefully) explaining to him what might happen in terms his interactions with others if he does not learn those skills.
As you are driving and talking say to him: “I am not going to make you go to Dr. Smith, but I am just curious as to why you did not want to go.” At this point he will probably say something like “it is so boring every time that I see her.” I would not think that this is going to be the only discussion that you will have with him about his noncompliance and that after this conversation, magically he will agree to go to the therapist. I would merely take the first step and tell him (with rich examples) how many things that you do each day that are boring. That being said, I would explain to him, again in detail that many times one has to do boring things in order to learn new skills. You could use the example of practicing an instrument.
You do not want to push too hard during the first conversation, because your goal here is to that he talks to you again. Next time that you are in the car with him, you can begin (slowly and carefully) explaining to him what might happen in terms his interactions with others if he does not learn those skills.
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