What can you do if your Child Becomes Resistant?

What can you do if  your child becomes resistant to your suggestions of goals that he will accomplish this Summer?

This is a tough problem, because the more suggestions that you make to your child that he does not want to hear, the more resistant he will become. For instance, I am working with a few children who are entering high school in the Fall. Every time that I say the word independent, they begin to shut down. Therefore, I use another word, such as responsible or accountable, which works so much better.

If you believe that a goal on which you are working is critical for him to accomplish by the end of the summer, however, it may be especially frustrating to move on to another goal, but oftentimes, you have to do so. Even though you may have collaborated with your child in terms of which goals are important for him to reach by the end of the summer, he may, without warning, decide not to work on those goals. Your only recourse is to take a small part of that goal and work on only that part instead of the entire goal. 

For example, say that the goal on which he is working is to become more responsible and includes keeping the floor of his room clear of Legos, preparing his own lunch, taking the dog out regularly and feeding him, taking his dirty clothes down to the washer each day so that you can wash them, etc. Decide collaboratively with your child as to which two items that he has to do each day. When you are helping him to choose, however, make sure that you give him a choice of two out of three or four, so that he maintains control, while at the same time, decides to accomplish some of his goals.

Let me know if this method works….