DO PRESCHOOL CHILDREN WITH ADHD LEARN SOCIAL SKILLS?

Typically, preschool children learn how to interpret social cues from their parents, and therefore,

behave appropriately by observing them. Their parents teach them how to behave in a social situation and specifically how to learn the meaning of what another child is saying to them.

However, preschool children with ADHD cannot pay attention to their parent’s words or actions because they are paying attention to something else. Their focus is also inconsistent, so they may hear only a part of what their parent is saying to them. The result of this inconsistent focus is that

these children behave in a socially inappropriate way, leaving the other children to look at them in a strange way, not understanding their peer’s inappropriate behavior. Children may look at the preschool child with ADHD as different. They may ask themselves why their peer does not understand how to behave. These children appear vulnerable, which may lead to them bullying others and to be bullied themselves even at a preschool age! (We will talk about bullying in another blog post.) They may misunderstand other children’s social cues as well.

THE DEFINITION OF SOCIAL SKILLS

What are social skills? “Social skills may be defined as socially acceptable learned behaviors that enable a person to interact with others in ways that elicit positive responses and assist in avoiding negative responses” (Elliott and Gresham, 1993, p. 287).

THE IMPORTANCE OF PARENTAL KNOWLEDGE OF THEIR PRESCHOOL CHILD WITH ADHD’S SOCIAL SKILLS

Why do parents of preschool children with ADHD need to know the importance of learning social skills? Typically, preschool children with ADHD have poorly developed social skills. They have difficulty following instructions, they do not listen well, and therefore interrupt others, among other negative behaviors. When a child appears to be vulnerable as these preschool children with ADHD often appear to be, they are at risk for negative and difficult social experiences. Social situations which typical children find easy to manage may be treacherous for preschool children with ADHD. They may have difficulty making friends and even their families may find them annoying, which is very sad! Here is what one mom told me about her son:

“He has this behavior that really pisses people off. Some ADD or ADHD is either manageable or they’re so charming or sometimes it passes. We have one. His personality

makes people really upset. And that was pretty evident early on.”

I was troubled by her statement about her son because I knew that his life and his parent’s life had to be very difficult. I was especially heartbroken hearing any mother talk about her child in such negative terms. How do preschool children with ADHD who have social skills deficits

behave? They either talk excessively without realizing that they are doing so, or they may talk so infrequently that their parents hardly know that they are in the same room. Additionally, they may not understand social cues that other children are expressing in conversations. Social cues are signals, either verbal or nonverbal, that help to communicate behavior. Some of these social cues may be facial expressions or body language. Preschool children with ADHD typically misinterpret social cues, which we will discuss in a later blog.

There are many other examples of poor social skills, including touching another child, pushing, hitting, etc. I am sure that we all know the definition of social skills. However, in terms of

accuracy, Elliott and Gresham (1993) stated that “social skills may be defined as socially acceptable learned behaviors that enable a person to interact with others in ways that elicit positive responses and assist in avoiding negative responses” (p. 287).  Preschool children with ADHD need to learn and exhibit positive social skills in order to make friends, get along with their family, and build positive self-esteem. These children have experienced rejection and criticism constantly because of their inappropriate behavior and their lack of social skills. If

they live in the same house as their siblings, why do they do not learn the same social skills as them?

DO PRESCHOOL CHILDREN WITH ADHD LEARN THE

SAME SOCIAL SKILLS AS THEIR SIBLINGS?

If you look at the previously stated definition, preschool children with ADHD have difficulty learning social skills. How can that be? Aren’t they being brought up in the same house as their siblings who exhibit positive social skills? If you are a parent of one of these children, you know very well that your child has immature social skills. In fact, due to the point that they do not have a complete repertoire of intact, positive social skills, they are not only difficult to manage but sadly, annoy many people (as I have said before, but will emphasize again here), due to their excessive verbiage and socially inappropriate behavior.

One of the parents with whom I worked described her child’s behavior this way:

I can remember when he was four and he talked back to his grandfather.

I said nothing, because it was like, you know what the situation

was with the grandfather. I don’t want to say he asked for it, but the

tone and attitude and the behavior was such that Aaron was “back at

ya,” you know. I did correct him. I told him, Aaron that was not right,

even though my thinking was, I’d have done the same thing as an

adult. You’re a child, you don’t behave that way. So, it’s always been a

very tricky situation. I talked to him at that point. I did say to him,

Aaron, you know, you need to apologize; that was wrong. To let him

know that it was unacceptable, but at that same point in time I knew

that what he said was something that anyone, any adult would have

said in the same situation. But the problem was that he wasn’t an adult.

He was a child. He didn’t know he wasn’t supposed to say that. That

was how he felt, so that’s how he handled it (Rapoport, 2009, p. 23).

Another parent described her son’s inability to control his own behavior:

As far as social skills go, I do think that kids with ADHD have significant

issues with this. Sometimes it seems to be a matter of the fact that

they do not notice their own behavior as being unusual or inappropriate

in any way. Thus, they make no effort to control it. But, even when

pointed out, they often seem unable to control odd or inappropriate

behavior. (Rapoport, 2009, p. 24).

Okay, so let’s get to the bottom of these children’s social skills difficulties. Preschool children with ADHD of all types may have social skills problems, even though their behavior may be varied. Why? They have social skills deficits. These deficits typically have been described as either “can’t do” or “won’t do” (Gresham, Sugai, and Horner, 2001, p. 33). They either do not have the knowledge to behave in a socially appropriate manner or they know how to behave in a socially appropriate manner but do not do so (p. 33). Social skills deficits prevent these children from learning positive social skills. They typically do not pick up and internalize positive social skills that are modeled by their parents at home in the same way as preschool children without ADHD do.

  

So, why don’t preschool children with ADHD learn the same social skills as their siblings who live in the same house? Check out my next blog!