How to Deal with Teenagers with ADHD who are Stubborn and will not Comply with your Requests

Teenagers who do not have ADHD may be stubborn some of the time, but it is arguably more predictable that teenagers with ADHD are stubborn and noncompliant more frequently. The reason for their inflexibility is that teenagers with ADHD may be definite and even rigid in the way that they behave, which arguably makes it difficult for parents to manage their behavior. Sometimes, it seems as if even the smallest parental request cannot be satisfied for no reason other than the fact that the teenager arguably feels that if he agrees to cooperate with his parent, that he will not be behaving as is consistent with his typical behavioral repertoire.

It is vital to evaluate the battle that you are fighting. Is the issue related to school or home? If it is related to school, might it be a good idea for the child to live with his decision, such as, not completing his homework? If it is related to home, is it something that is not worth arguing over, such as taking a shower?

If you truly feel that the issue at hand must be accomplished, then here are a few things that you may try:

1. Take him to do something that he likes to do, such as to get pizza, or to play miniature golf, etc., On the way in the car, talk to him in a relaxed and comfortable demeanor concerning why he does not want to comply with what you are requiring him to do.

2. Offer him a choice in terms of complying with your requirement immediately or within a short period of time. However, make sure that he agrees to make a decision, and if necessary, draw up a short one line contract that you both agree to sign.

3. Offer him an incentive that he will receive if he complies with your request, i.e., “When you finish your homework, we will go out for an ice cream cone.” However, make sure that the incentive is really something that he is interested in getting.

4. If he considers your requirement long and taxing, split it up into two parts. For example, if he has to pick up his room so that it is neat when he begins his homework, compromise with him. Collaborate with him in order to decide on two separate, precise times when he will clean up his room and when he will do his homework.