The Hurtful Moments: Teenagers with ADHD who are Ignored by their Peers

The teenage years are filled with experiences with peers that are both exhilarating and hurtful. There is no reason to talk about the exhilarating moments, because they speak for themselves. However, the hurtful moments need to be discussed.

The first place to begin our discussion is that teenagers with ADHD oftentimes misread their relationships with peers. In other words, they may think that they are a peer’s best friend even though that person does not think of them as their best friend. Just hanging out with someone does not mean that they are best friends. But your teenager says, “I have known her since kindergarten!” In the same way as people’s interests change, their friendships change, as well.

The vital issue here is that teenagers with ADHD have to learn to understand who are their friends, who are their acquaintances, and most importantly, who does not want to be either a friend or an acquaintance. Sometimes, this misreading of their relationships with peers may be self-protective.

Oftentimes, however, it may be that due to their ADHD, they do not have a worldview of their behavior. In other words, they do not see how others are observing their behavior. Other teenagers may be giving the teenagers with ADHD cues, so that they will understand that they do not want to interact with them. For example, an acute cue is that they do not invite that teenager with ADHD to their party.

A more subtle cue might be that when they are at a school football game, the teenager with ADHD might quickly walk up to the other teenagers and say hi and receive no response…none. Being ignored is one of the most hurtful things that can happen to a teenager, nonetheless, a teenager with ADHD who so desperately wants to make friends.

For example, the teenager is standing there waiting for their peers to talk to them and instead, they continue talking to their other friends, and ignore the teenager with ADHD in an obvious way. If the teenager stays there for some time, they begin to realize that they are being purposely ignored. Not only is the teenager with ADHD embarrassed, but additionally, they do not know what to do. Do they try to talk anyway? Do they walk away?

What ideas do you have as to what teenagers with ADHD should do after they realize that they are being ignored by their peers?