Anxiety, Manipulation or Both? What should a Parent do?

Here is the scenario: Your teenager with ADHD has fallen behind in some of his subjects, and has finally agreed to stay after school for extra help, which is a huge, positive decision on his part. In order to stay after school, however, he has to take the late bus home.

He has already successfully taken the late bus home several times. One day, he goes on the bus and there is a new driver who seemingly to your child, does not know the route as well as he should. In fact, your teenager tells you that he had to tell the driver how to get to his house. He then tells you that he is very annoyed because his stop is the last one on the driver’s route.

He goes to school the next day when he is supposed to stay for extra help again. When it comes to the time that he is supposed to take the late bus home, he starts continuously leaving voice mail messages and text messages for you, becoming more and more anxious with each message. The messages that he leaves for you state that he is afraid to take the late bus home. He tells you over and over again that he is afraid to take the bus because the driver does not know the stops, and that he wants you to pick him up immediately.

You finally go to pick him up, but you ask yourself: Will this be a constant problem that may only be solved by my picking him up, instead of him taking the late bus like the other students? Is your teenager manipulating you? Did he not say that he was annoyed because his stop was the last one?

Is it possible that he just does not WANT to take the bus and is more comfortable when you drive him home? Do you not have a right to stay at your job and finish the work that YOU have to do, or go to do some errands in a relaxed and less stressful rush than hurrying to his school to pick him up?

What should you do? Should you pick him up the two or three days that he stays after school for help? If you do so, will you allay his anxiety, or will you prevent him from dealing with his anxiety over a problem that may not be as looming as his perception of it. (You already called the school bus company and the supervisor told you that the driver is new, but knows the location of all of the stops.

Have any of you experienced this problem? What strategies did you use?