The following are the answers to some of your questions:
"Do all children with ADHD have social skills problems?”
In my experience, arguably, most children with ADHD have one sort of social skills problem or another. Children with ADHD do not learn social skills as easily as do typical children. Two children, one typical and one with ADHD, can live in the same house. The typical child will learn positive social skills and the child with ADHD will not. Why don’t children with ADHD learn social skills as easily as typical children?
Children with ADHD do not learn positive social skills because they become distracted during the time they are exposed to them, among other reasons. In other words, their attention to these positive social skills is interrupted; something interferes with their learning of socially appropriate behavior. For example, they may become distracted and have their attention interrupted due to temper tantrums; they may be paying attention to something other than their parent who is teaching them a social skill; or they may be anxious, among other reasons.
Children with ADHD who are easily distractible can learn positive social skills, but it is difficult for them to do so. I do not mean to paint a gloomy picture and say that these children will not learn positive social skills. They can and will learn positive skills if they have some help along the way. These children need help from teachers and parents who understand that they are not purposely trying to behave in a socially inappropriate way. Therefore, as teachers who work on social skills with children who have ADHD, you must have some expertise in both ADHD and social skills training.
"My child takes Concerta and his behavior is perfect when it is working. When it starts to wear off, quite honestly, he is very annoying. What can I do when it wears off?”
A good thing to do is to have your child get some exercise, whether it is riding on a stationary bike or taking a short walk, exercise has been shown to diminish distractibility and hyperactivity. After they exercise, they should be able to sit down and do their homework, for example, in a more focused way.
More answers in tomorrow’s entry…
Friday, April 29, 2011
Thursday, April 28, 2011
Parents' and Teachers' Questions from my Presentation Last Night
I would like to thank all of the wonderful parents and teachers who came to hear my presentation last night on ADHD and social skills at the Furnace Woods Elementary School in Cortland Manor. Everyone was very engaged and asked complex and thoughtful questions.
These were some of the interesting questions that were asked. I will answer these questions in my next entry:
"Do all children with ADHD have social skills problems?
"My child takes Concerta and his behavior is perfect when it is working. When it starts to wear off, quite honestly, he is very annoying. What can I do when it wears off?”
“My child is five years old. When he has to complete tasks, he is very sluggish and oftentimes does not complete them. Does he have ADHD?”
“My child is on the computer for an hour a day. Is that too much?”
“When my child has to do school work when it is not interesting to him, he is very unfocused and does not complete it. How can I help him to complete his work when it is not interesting to him?”
“My child has one week to do a project. How can I help him to complete it on time? He feels that it is overwhelming for him.”
“My child is very distractible at home but his teacher tells me that he is not that way in school. Does that mean that he does not have ADHD?”
These were some of the interesting questions that were asked. I will answer these questions in my next entry:
"Do all children with ADHD have social skills problems?
"My child takes Concerta and his behavior is perfect when it is working. When it starts to wear off, quite honestly, he is very annoying. What can I do when it wears off?”
“My child is five years old. When he has to complete tasks, he is very sluggish and oftentimes does not complete them. Does he have ADHD?”
“My child is on the computer for an hour a day. Is that too much?”
“When my child has to do school work when it is not interesting to him, he is very unfocused and does not complete it. How can I help him to complete his work when it is not interesting to him?”
“My child has one week to do a project. How can I help him to complete it on time? He feels that it is overwhelming for him.”
“My child is very distractible at home but his teacher tells me that he is not that way in school. Does that mean that he does not have ADHD?”
Tuesday, April 26, 2011
Please Read the Flyer for my Presentation on Wednesday night, April 27, 7:00 P.M.
The Furnace Woods Elementary School PTA Parent Education Committee
presents
Dr. Esta Rapoport
ADHD Author and Expert
When: Wed, April 27
7:15 p.m. - 8:30 p.m.
Where: The Furnace Woods Auditeria
8-8:30 Q & A Session
Ask an ADHD expert your most pressing questions on this challenging subject
Refreshments will be served
Free babysitting by FWS aides will be provided
Dr. Esta M. Rapoport is an adjunct professor at Fordham University and is experienced in working with children with ADHD and other similar special needs. She has a B.A. from N.Y.U., an M.A. from Teachers College, Columbia University, and an Ed.D from Boston University. Her book, ADHD and Social Skills: A Step-by-Step-Guide for Teachers and Parents, has been endorsed by elite professionals in the field. Dr. Russell A.Barkley stated, “This is a lavishly detailed book providing numerous recommendations for ways to address the social interaction problems and social skills impairments associated with ADHD in children." Autographed copies of Dr. Rapoport’s book will be available for sale after the presentation.
Please join us this Wednesday for this informative presentation!
Furnace Woods Elementary School
239 Watch Hill Road Cortlandt Manor, NY
presents
Dr. Esta Rapoport
ADHD Author and Expert
When: Wed, April 27
7:15 p.m. - 8:30 p.m.
Where: The Furnace Woods Auditeria
8-8:30 Q & A Session
Ask an ADHD expert your most pressing questions on this challenging subject
Refreshments will be served
Free babysitting by FWS aides will be provided
Dr. Esta M. Rapoport is an adjunct professor at Fordham University and is experienced in working with children with ADHD and other similar special needs. She has a B.A. from N.Y.U., an M.A. from Teachers College, Columbia University, and an Ed.D from Boston University. Her book, ADHD and Social Skills: A Step-by-Step-Guide for Teachers and Parents, has been endorsed by elite professionals in the field. Dr. Russell A.Barkley stated, “This is a lavishly detailed book providing numerous recommendations for ways to address the social interaction problems and social skills impairments associated with ADHD in children." Autographed copies of Dr. Rapoport’s book will be available for sale after the presentation.
Please join us this Wednesday for this informative presentation!
Furnace Woods Elementary School
239 Watch Hill Road Cortlandt Manor, NY
Accepting People who are Different
Why teach the child to accept a child who is different from him rather than to just tolerate him? First, let’s get rid of the word tolerate that seems to be in everyone’s vocabulary lately. In my mind, if a child is taught to tolerate a child who is different, he is “putting up with” that child, knowing that he does not like him for whatever reason. When someone teaches a child to accept another child, it means that he likes him. Even though there may be an emphasis today on teaching children to respect (there is that word again) and accept people’s differences, it is an especially important social skill for children with ADHD to learn. Why?
The reason for teaching the skill of accepting people who are different to children with ADHD is because they are different themselves. I may have given similar examples before, but these examples of things that children with ADHD do that make them appear to be different are relevant here as well:
✱ Children with ADHD have difficulty staying in their seats in class.
✱ In situations that are more unstructured, such as gym class, children with ADHD lose their self-control and, among other behaviors, run around in an excitable fashion.
✱ Children with ADHD often are not as patient as typical children when they have to wait for a turn at play.
✱ Children with ADHD are not always willing to cooperate or compromise with other children.
✱ Children with ADHD find change difficult.
✱ Children with ADHD have difficulty making transitions from one activity to another.
✱ Children with ADHD ask questions often using inappropriate language.
✱ Children with ADHD ask questions at inappropriate times.
✱ Children with ADHD talk excessively.
✱ Children with ADHD do not listen well.
✱ Children with ADHD run into rooms.
✱ Children with ADHD barge into others’ conversations and, therefore, interrupt them.
✱ Children with ADHD act out (i.e., hitting and kicking) when they become frustrated.
Teachers would most likely characterize the previous behaviors as socially inappropriate, which might make them appear different from the other children in the class. If you disagree with me and think that some of those behaviors are not socially inappropriate, then try this exercise: Close your eyes and imagine how a child who exhibits these behaviors could fit into a typical classroom without appearing different. If you still disagree, then please tell me how that would be so. So, you can see why children with ADHD need to learn about understanding and accepting people who are different.
Teaching this social skill requires in-depth discussions with these children. They need to understand that each person is unique, so if they appear not to be the same as the others, that is okay. Children with ADHD, due to inattentiveness, however, may not notice the differences among people. In fact, they may say whatever “pops into their head,” and sometimes make inappropriate comments about other children and do not even realize it.
It is important to teach children with ADHD how people may be different on the outside, (i.e., skin color, hair color, different eyes, different dress, etc.), but may be similar in terms of beliefs, values, and behavior. A good book that may help eachers to instruct children with ADHD to learn that each person is unique is Accept and Value Each Person by Cheryl J. Meiners (2004). It is particularly important to teach this social skill to children with ADHD who are brought up in restricted, narrow settings, such as Orthodox Jews, children who live in inner cities, people of Amish descent, and Mormons. Why?
These children may never see a child who is different from them within their school and extracurricular activities because they only interact with children within their religious or ethnic group. Some children with ADHD may learn this important skill through reading about it, while others will require role playing as well as more in-depth explanations.
Intervention:
Teaching the method of reciprocal conversation is challenging due to the distractibility of the child with ADHD, but if done correctly, the child will come away with a real understanding of accepting people who are different. You will, of course, have to make sure that the child is maintaining eye contact before trying this method of social skills training. Try a question and answer session first.
✱ “What color is your skin?”
✱ “Is the skin of your classmates the same color?” If not, “What color is their skin?” (Researchers state that children are aware of skin color at a young age [Derman-Sparks, 1989, p. 2].) Make sure that the child has paid attention to his classmates’ skin color. If not, you need to stop here and talk to the child about how to recognize his classmates’ skin color. The teacher or the parent must show the child with ADHD pictures of children of various “colors” and make sure that he can discriminate among them. Why is that important? You must make sure that the child understands the concept of difference and being able to discriminate between people’s skin color is a good way to begin. Okay, back to the conversation:
✱ “Do the children’s skin colors in your class make the children different from you?”
✱ “If so, how does their skin color make them different?”
✱ “Do the children in your class play with the same things or with different things than you?”
✱ “What do you like to play?”
✱ “Does everyone in your class wear similar clothing?”
✱ “Does everyone in your class have the same customs?”
✱ “What are some of your beliefs? For example, are you nice to people who are nice to you? Do you do things for people who are nice to you? Do the children in your class have similar values?”
By incorporating the answers to the posed questions, the teacher should then be able to teach the child about accepting people who are different. This lesson may have to be repeated in several ways. One way to reinforce this social skill, for example, is to have the teacher and the child with ADHD write a social story together based on the lessons learned from the conversation.
Intervention:
WRITING SOCIAL STORIES
Social Story: Accepting People Who Are Different
✱ You may be different from your classmates in terms of the color of their skin, dress, and culture.
✱ It is important to treat each and every one in your class with respect, no matter what their differences.
✱ The differences of each person in your class should be looked at positively and appreciated.
✱ No matter how different people seem in your class, everyone can work and play together successfully.
Being Different Is a Positive Attribute
Sometimes reading a story that articulates the positive side of being different can be a big help to the child with ADHD. An example of such a story is Tacky the Penguin by Helen Lester (1998). Tacky the Penguin is the story of Tacky, a penguin who did not behave in the same way as the other penguins.
For instance:
✱ The other penguins greeted others quietly, while Tacky greeted others by slapping them on their backs.
✱ The other penguins marched in order, while Tacky marched out of order.
✱ The other penguins dove into the water gracefully, while Tacky made a huge splash.
✱ The other penguins sang lovely songs, while Tacky sang odd songs.
Tacky used his difference in a positive way when hunters came to their home one day. He slapped them on the backs, marched out of order, and sang songs that irritated the hunters so much that Tacky made them leave the penguins alone and go away from their home! The other penguins appreciated him for what his difference helped him accomplish. Tacky used his difference to get the hunters to go away without harming the penguins. This is a great book to read to a child with ADHD because oftentimes, these children think that they are different in a weird, strange way. Children with ADHD think that others think of them as different as well, but unlike Tacky, in a negative way.
Children with ADHD often think that other children do not like them as well. Some of their thinking may unfortunately be correct. However, they can be taught that some of the characteristics that make them different can be used in a positive
way, just as Tacky did. For example, especially in consideration of the fact that children with ADHD often feel different from other children, it would be good for them to work on accepting peer suggestions for activities.
The reason for teaching the skill of accepting people who are different to children with ADHD is because they are different themselves. I may have given similar examples before, but these examples of things that children with ADHD do that make them appear to be different are relevant here as well:
✱ Children with ADHD have difficulty staying in their seats in class.
✱ In situations that are more unstructured, such as gym class, children with ADHD lose their self-control and, among other behaviors, run around in an excitable fashion.
✱ Children with ADHD often are not as patient as typical children when they have to wait for a turn at play.
✱ Children with ADHD are not always willing to cooperate or compromise with other children.
✱ Children with ADHD find change difficult.
✱ Children with ADHD have difficulty making transitions from one activity to another.
✱ Children with ADHD ask questions often using inappropriate language.
✱ Children with ADHD ask questions at inappropriate times.
✱ Children with ADHD talk excessively.
✱ Children with ADHD do not listen well.
✱ Children with ADHD run into rooms.
✱ Children with ADHD barge into others’ conversations and, therefore, interrupt them.
✱ Children with ADHD act out (i.e., hitting and kicking) when they become frustrated.
Teachers would most likely characterize the previous behaviors as socially inappropriate, which might make them appear different from the other children in the class. If you disagree with me and think that some of those behaviors are not socially inappropriate, then try this exercise: Close your eyes and imagine how a child who exhibits these behaviors could fit into a typical classroom without appearing different. If you still disagree, then please tell me how that would be so. So, you can see why children with ADHD need to learn about understanding and accepting people who are different.
Teaching this social skill requires in-depth discussions with these children. They need to understand that each person is unique, so if they appear not to be the same as the others, that is okay. Children with ADHD, due to inattentiveness, however, may not notice the differences among people. In fact, they may say whatever “pops into their head,” and sometimes make inappropriate comments about other children and do not even realize it.
It is important to teach children with ADHD how people may be different on the outside, (i.e., skin color, hair color, different eyes, different dress, etc.), but may be similar in terms of beliefs, values, and behavior. A good book that may help eachers to instruct children with ADHD to learn that each person is unique is Accept and Value Each Person by Cheryl J. Meiners (2004). It is particularly important to teach this social skill to children with ADHD who are brought up in restricted, narrow settings, such as Orthodox Jews, children who live in inner cities, people of Amish descent, and Mormons. Why?
These children may never see a child who is different from them within their school and extracurricular activities because they only interact with children within their religious or ethnic group. Some children with ADHD may learn this important skill through reading about it, while others will require role playing as well as more in-depth explanations.
Intervention:
Teaching the method of reciprocal conversation is challenging due to the distractibility of the child with ADHD, but if done correctly, the child will come away with a real understanding of accepting people who are different. You will, of course, have to make sure that the child is maintaining eye contact before trying this method of social skills training. Try a question and answer session first.
✱ “What color is your skin?”
✱ “Is the skin of your classmates the same color?” If not, “What color is their skin?” (Researchers state that children are aware of skin color at a young age [Derman-Sparks, 1989, p. 2].) Make sure that the child has paid attention to his classmates’ skin color. If not, you need to stop here and talk to the child about how to recognize his classmates’ skin color. The teacher or the parent must show the child with ADHD pictures of children of various “colors” and make sure that he can discriminate among them. Why is that important? You must make sure that the child understands the concept of difference and being able to discriminate between people’s skin color is a good way to begin. Okay, back to the conversation:
✱ “Do the children’s skin colors in your class make the children different from you?”
✱ “If so, how does their skin color make them different?”
✱ “Do the children in your class play with the same things or with different things than you?”
✱ “What do you like to play?”
✱ “Does everyone in your class wear similar clothing?”
✱ “Does everyone in your class have the same customs?”
✱ “What are some of your beliefs? For example, are you nice to people who are nice to you? Do you do things for people who are nice to you? Do the children in your class have similar values?”
By incorporating the answers to the posed questions, the teacher should then be able to teach the child about accepting people who are different. This lesson may have to be repeated in several ways. One way to reinforce this social skill, for example, is to have the teacher and the child with ADHD write a social story together based on the lessons learned from the conversation.
Intervention:
WRITING SOCIAL STORIES
Social Story: Accepting People Who Are Different
✱ You may be different from your classmates in terms of the color of their skin, dress, and culture.
✱ It is important to treat each and every one in your class with respect, no matter what their differences.
✱ The differences of each person in your class should be looked at positively and appreciated.
✱ No matter how different people seem in your class, everyone can work and play together successfully.
Being Different Is a Positive Attribute
Sometimes reading a story that articulates the positive side of being different can be a big help to the child with ADHD. An example of such a story is Tacky the Penguin by Helen Lester (1998). Tacky the Penguin is the story of Tacky, a penguin who did not behave in the same way as the other penguins.
For instance:
✱ The other penguins greeted others quietly, while Tacky greeted others by slapping them on their backs.
✱ The other penguins marched in order, while Tacky marched out of order.
✱ The other penguins dove into the water gracefully, while Tacky made a huge splash.
✱ The other penguins sang lovely songs, while Tacky sang odd songs.
Tacky used his difference in a positive way when hunters came to their home one day. He slapped them on the backs, marched out of order, and sang songs that irritated the hunters so much that Tacky made them leave the penguins alone and go away from their home! The other penguins appreciated him for what his difference helped him accomplish. Tacky used his difference to get the hunters to go away without harming the penguins. This is a great book to read to a child with ADHD because oftentimes, these children think that they are different in a weird, strange way. Children with ADHD think that others think of them as different as well, but unlike Tacky, in a negative way.
Children with ADHD often think that other children do not like them as well. Some of their thinking may unfortunately be correct. However, they can be taught that some of the characteristics that make them different can be used in a positive
way, just as Tacky did. For example, especially in consideration of the fact that children with ADHD often feel different from other children, it would be good for them to work on accepting peer suggestions for activities.
Monday, April 25, 2011
My Presentation is this Week! Come One, Come All!
I am presenting my book, ADHD and Social Skills: A Step-by-Step Guide for Teachers and Parents, this Wednesday, 7:00 P.M. at Furnace Woods School, 239 Watch Hill Road Cortlandt Manor, NY.
The presentation is open to the public, so please come. Any questions? Write me here or at my gmail address.
The presentation is open to the public, so please come. Any questions? Write me here or at my gmail address.
Thursday, April 21, 2011
From the Huffington Post: Increase Focus Naturally With These 10 Tips
Check this article out from the Huffington Post entitled Increase Focus Naturally With These 10 Tips
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2011/04/17/increase-focus-naturally_n_849393.html?ref=email_share#s264566&title=Write_It_Down
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2011/04/17/increase-focus-naturally_n_849393.html?ref=email_share#s264566&title=Write_It_Down
Tuesday, April 19, 2011
Punishment does not Motivate Children with ADHD to Complete their Homework Independently
It can be very frustrating to parents when their child with ADHD does not behave in a way that they consider optimal. Let us talk about a child with ADHD who is of middle school age. Some children with ADHD have great difficulty writing by hand. Additionally, even though they can complete most of their homework on a computer, they may not be ready to do so or may refuse to do so. Instead, they dictate their homework to a parent, who in turn, writes their homework out for them. What is the problem here?
First of all, if a parent works all day, they may have things to do themselves at night, or at the very least, might want to relax for a short time. Second of all, this is a very manipulative pattern that simply is not good for either the child or the parent. Routinely, when the parent returns from work and begins to make dinner, she asks the child whether or not he has done his homework. The child invariably answers “No.” What does the parent then say to the child? “From now on, if you do not at least start your homework and complete a few subjects before I get home, I will ground you.” What is the problem with the parent making that statement? First of all, if that statement is made, the parent has to be ready to carry it out. Second of all, punishing a child with ADHD for not doing his homework himself when writing is a real issue, is not going to get the child to do his homework independently.
Children with ADHD arguably have self-esteem issues. Why? People are annoyed with them, criticize them, rebuff them and reject them, which does not generalize to their building positive self-esteem. Trust me that these children would love to do their homework by themselves, but sometimes they need some support in order to do so. I would rather see a reward system set up based on one of the child’s interests that will encourage him to begin his homework by himself, than seeing him punished because he does not do so.
Children with ADHD arguably need to be motivated in order to do their homework by themselves especially when they have difficulty writing by hand. Punishment is anything but motivating. In fact, punishment generally shuts down children who have poor self-esteem. Children with ADHD do not behave as they do out of their own choice, but instead, because they just cannot behave in any other way. They certainly would rather not behave in such a way that causes adults to be angry at them and punish them.
They need to learn alternative behavior that instead of resulting in them becoming rebuffed, instead, helps them to become accepted. The process of learning more acceptable behavior, however, takes time and the adults who are responsible for taking care of these children need to have patience with them. Children with ADHD can learn to behave in more acceptable ways by being taught positive behaviors that will replace the inappropriate behaviors that they often exhibit. We all could learn to become a little more patient, don’t you think?
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