Punishment does not Motivate Children with ADHD to Complete their Homework Independently

It can be very frustrating to parents when their child with ADHD does not behave in a way that they consider optimal. Let us talk about a child with ADHD who is of middle school age. Some children with ADHD have great difficulty writing by hand. Additionally, even though they can complete most of their homework on a computer, they may not be ready to do so or may refuse to do so. Instead, they dictate their homework to a parent, who in turn, writes their homework out for them.  What is the problem here?

First of all, if a parent works all day, they may have things to do themselves at night, or at the very least, might want to relax for a short time. Second of all, this is a very manipulative pattern that simply is not good for either the child or the parent. Routinely, when the parent returns from work and begins to make dinner, she asks the child whether or not he has done his homework. The child invariably answers “No.” What does the parent then say to the child? “From now on, if you do not at least start your homework and complete a few subjects before I get home, I will ground you.” What is the problem with the parent making that statement? First of all, if that statement is made, the parent has to be ready to carry it out. Second of all, punishing a child with ADHD for not doing his homework himself when writing is a real issue, is not going to get the child to do his homework independently.

Children with ADHD arguably have self-esteem issues. Why? People are annoyed with them, criticize them, rebuff them and reject them, which does not generalize to their building positive self-esteem. Trust me that these children would love to do their homework by themselves, but sometimes they need some support in order to do so. I would rather see a reward system set up based on one of the child’s interests that will encourage him to begin his homework by himself, than seeing him punished because he does not do so. 

Children with ADHD arguably need to be motivated in order to do their homework by themselves especially when they have difficulty writing by hand.  Punishment is anything but motivating. In fact, punishment generally shuts down children who have poor self-esteem. Children with ADHD do not behave as they do out of their own choice, but instead, because they just cannot behave in any other way. They certainly would rather not behave in such a way that causes adults to be angry at them and punish them. 

They need to learn alternative behavior that instead of resulting in them becoming rebuffed, instead, helps them to become accepted. The process of learning more acceptable behavior, however, takes time and the adults who are responsible for taking care of these children need to have patience with them. Children with ADHD can learn to behave in more acceptable ways by being taught positive behaviors that will replace the inappropriate behaviors that they often exhibit. We all could learn to become a little more patient, don’t you think?