What Should I Say to My Child Who Has Been Teased or Bullied?

We talked about this issue before, but it is so important that I thought that would be a good idea to discuss it again. As in any area of concern that a parent has for their child, it is vital to keep the lines of communication open. You can do that by listening to your child in a warm, nurturing and accepting way. However, It is not always so easy to hear your child talking about an incident such as teasing or bullying without reacting in a way that shows how your level of concern.



That being said, try as hard as you can to respond to what your child is saying rather than to react to it. When you react to what your child has said, the words that you say appear as pure emotion and may in fact, even worry the child more about what has happened to him. When you respond to what your child has said, it implies that you have thought about what has happened and can come up with some strategies and/or suggestions as to what can be done to diminish the bullying.


Before you begin the discussion of anything that is as important as your child being teased or bullied, turn off the television and make sure that your child is not sitting at the computer. In that way, the room where you are having this important conversation with your child is quiet and calm, which will lead to a calm discussion. We all interrupt, even though we all may not have ADHD, but try to listen to your child without saying anything until you are certain that he is finished telling you what has happened to him.


At the same time, by serving as a good, attentive listener, try to understand what happened to your child from his point of view. Do not insert any statements such as, “Did you annoy the child first by interrupting when he was talking to another child?” Do not be critical of his behavior. Instead, try to understand the interaction in which your child was involved without making any value judgments. In that way, you come across as someone to who your child can tell anything.


If you are approachable to your child, he will come to talk to you again. At the same time, give your child time to explain what has happened to him. When you discuss a painful event, do you speak about it fluently or does it oftentimes take some time? I guarantee that it takes time for you to discuss an unpleasant situation that your child has experienced. This will also be true for your child, so try to remain calm and patient.