Children with ADHD, Bullying, Social Skills Training and Individualized Education Plans (IEPS)

Recently, there have been increased conversations about the incidence of bullying in relation to children with special needs, which of course, includes children with ADHD. Children with ADHD are bullies as well as bully other children. Are you surprised? Oftentimes, a child with ADHD has low self-esteem and appears to be vulnerable, which serves as a signal to bullies that they can abuse them either verbally or physically. The child with ADHD, in turn, feeling frustrated and angry, even though he may not express these feelings, finds a child who is equally vulnerable and bullies him. 

This bullying may take subtle forms, such as hand signals, a shove in the hallway, or a sequence of nasty looks that evolve later on into verbal and/or physical abuse. These bullying incidences often go unnoticed because bullies are very adept at taking advantage of situations when adults are not around. That being said, many children in schools throughout the United States are quick targets for being bullied on a daily basis, remain unnoticed, and are unable to reach out for help due to the fear of reprisal. 

How can we help children with ADHD and other special needs to learn social skills so that they will increase their self-esteem and self-confidence? In addition to developing school-wide programs to diminish bullying, children with special needs, including those children with ADHD, need to have social skills training written into their individualized education plans (IEPs). In that way, those children who have been bullied can develop positive social skills that will enable them to stop bullies from harassing them. Additionally, they will develop better self-esteem as well as better self-confidence.

Here is the caveat, however: The social skills training needs to be facilitated by individuals who are specifically trained in teaching social skills, and not done by individuals who have a general knowledge of behavior. Many school psychologists and social workers may encourage conversations with children regarding difficulties on a day to day basis, but they are not specifically trained in teaching social skills.

 I know that particularly in terms of President Obama’s campaign for the Race to the Top, schools are undergoing pressure to raise their students’ test scores. However, arguably, if children are not able to attend school in a safe environment, they will find it very difficult to learn academic skills.

Do parents know that their children have been bullied or bully?  Some do. “Daniel’s” mom knew that he had been bullied and began to focus on the subject of bullying. However, she did not know how to start, as she told me later. “‘Daniel’ always appeared to be confident and vulnerable at the same time. His confidence came in the form of jokes. His vulnerability came in the form of telling people about friendships that were either never made or made and never continued.”

Daniel’s vulnerability often led to his being bullied, as he explained here by Daniel:

“This one kid tried to steal my bike. He jumped on the back pegs and started taking it from me, and whenever I’m coming home from school, I have to be careful a lot because I’m riding my bike. I was just walking my bike because they’re just too many kids. I can’t ride around them, just walk it. And he jumped on the pegs. I held a firm grip. He tried, like, yanking it out of my

hand. I ended up falling, and he fell along with the bike on top of me, pressed it up against my chest. I couldn’t breathe.”

Another Mom told me that “…A boy, he has often mistreated Larry here; he says you’re a baby; they ganged up on him… Well, Larry he would come in and he would be crying. They would like tackle him way too hard.”

Children also, however, become afraid of children whom they see abuse others, whether or not that child has ADHD.  One Mom said, “People, kids get scared of him, because he’ll do , he’ll beat, he’ll hit them, he’ll poke them, he’ll quickly become upset,  and run away,  and so he’s very unpredictable in other kids’ eyes, and they don’t like that.”

It is very difficult for children with ADHD to make friends, due to their vulnerability, as well as the socially inappropriate behavior that they exhibit. Social skills training, arguably, is the key that will unlock the door of children with ADHD having few if any friends.