How do you Help to Diminish your Child with ADHD's Anxiety when a Grandparent is Dying?

Children with ADHD often have some anxiety as a paired disorder with their ADHD. Therefore, when a grandparent is ill and may be imminently dying, the child with ADHD may develop great anxiety. The child, if possible, should have advance notice of this sad event. If the passing of his grandparent comes as a surprise to him without any conversation about this event before it actually happens, the child, most likely, will become shocked, stunned and not understand what has occurred. The fact that he was not prepared for this event might increase his level of anxiety.


When I was 17 years old, my father was diagnosed with lung cancer, and I was never told that his death could occur in a short period of a few months. During his final days, he was admitted to the hospital, and no one told me that he could die at any moment. I went to visit him one day and looked forward to visiting him the next day, as well. When I went to visit him the next day, he had already died. Trust me, therefore when I say that if possible, knowledge concerning an impending death is vital in terms of trying to understand it, internalize it and coming to terms with it, in some way.


The child’s anxiety may be based on the shock of the actual death of his grandparent, especially if he was not told about the possibility of his grandparent dying, or the fact that he will not see his grandparent anymore, among other reasons. He might be thinking about the impending death of his grandparent who has nurtured and loved him since he was a baby, someone who perhaps spoiled him and took him to interesting and wonderful places, or just simply, someone who frequently read him funny books.


As his grandparent’s health is deteriorating, if you can encourage the child to talk about his fears and his anxiety concerning the upcoming passing of his grandparent, that really is the best case scenario. If not, how can you help the child to diminish his anxiety?


It is important, as a way to allay his anxiety, to talk to him as all of the sadness is occurring, about all of the wonderful experiences that has had with his grandparent, and to keep talking about those experiences during his grandparent’s final days and onward. It is vital to keep those important and wonderful memories alive and present. If the child’s memories are vivid in his mind, then he can begin to remember the happy moments, instead of only this very sad moment.


It is also helpful, no matter the age of the child, to involve him in any way that you can in the preparations for whatever customary sequence of events follow the death of a family member in your family. The more involved the child feels, the less he will worry about all of the sadness that surrounds him. Additionally, he will feel ownership in the fact that he helped, which would have made his grandparent proud of him.