Children with ADHD are often thought of as the “bad children.” They are rebuffed, rejected, criticized, teased and punished. Trust me that these children do not want to be thought of in a negative way. We all must be careful in terms of how we discipline these children. Oftentimes, the only comments that they hear are negative, so imagine how they feel when they are punished for behaving in a way that they cannot control? It is rare indeed that people approach children with ADHD in a way that they can express their feelings about what is upsetting them, and perhaps is contributing to their socially inappropriate behavior.
By speaking to children with ADHD with emotional intelligence[1], you are able to help them to access their feelings, which undoubtedly will make them believe that someone cares about them. I can guarantee you that children with ADHD are rarely asked, “You seem a little down today. Did something happen to upset you?” “How is everything at home?” It means so much to children with ADHD to be treated with respect for their feelings, instead of being criticized. If they feel that someone is interested in their feelings, they will begin to develop better self-esteem.
Additionally, by talking out their feelings, much of their anger and/or disappointment will arguably be diffused. By the time that they talk about what happened to cause them to be frustrated and behave in a socially inappropriate way, this inappropriate behavior will arguably be diminished.
Next time a child with ADHD behaves in an inappropriate way, instead of immediately disciplining him, try to use emotional intelligence and let me know how it went.
[1] “the subset of social intelligence that involves the ability to monitor one's own and others' feelings and emotions, to discriminate among them and to use this information to guide one's thinking and actions” (Salovey and Mayer, 1990).
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