Today is a day that I have dedicated as a question forum day. I will take any questions that you write to me, and will answer them quickly. Are the following some of the topics about which you would like to ask?
- ADHD: What is is?
- A child with ADHD
- An adult with ADHD (perhaps you?)
- Social skills problems: What are they?
- A child who has social skills problems
- An adult who has social skills problems
- Other disorders besides ADHD that are accompanied by problems with social skills
Can you offer any referrals to social skills training groups/therapists in Manhattan-NYC? I have not been able to find any for a dx. 12 year old ADHD/ODD.
ReplyDeleteAny suggestions for a book he could read to help him understand the diagnosis and learn to be proactive?
I generally do like to have children with ADHD participate in social skills groups. The reason is that when they enter into these groups, they bring the same problems as they do life. Therefore, they are often rebuffed by their peers in the group setting in the same way as they are rejected each and every day.
ReplyDeleteI teach them positive social skills on a one-to-one basis. I only suggest to them that they enter into social skills groups when I feel that they have developed intact social skills that have generalized to their life outside of my office, as well as positive self-esteem.
If you write to me here or to my gmail account, which is listed on my website, I would be happy to help you out in any way that I can. I think that if your son read my book, he would develop a good understanding about ADHD. Additionally, I have approximately 150 pages of interventions, many of which use self-talk, which would help him to develop accountability for his behavior. I also include some interventions related to executive function that might also help him to become more proactive.
My book, entitled ADHD and Social Skills: A Step-by-Step Guide for Teacher and Parents, published by Rowman and Littlefield, is available on Amazon and Barnes and Noble, as well. Please let me know what you and your son think about my book, and feel free to ask me any questions that you would like answered. Your son could also write me here as well. I would be happy to answer his questions.
What is the best/most successful school environment for a child with ADHD?
ReplyDeleteHi Janel:
ReplyDeleteThank you for writing. The best/most successful environment for children with ADHD is one that is structured in terms of being consistent, but not restrictive. Every component of the child with ADHD’s environment should be organized in a structured and constant way, so that the child with ADHD knows what to expect at all times.
For example, his room should be organized with a specific place for each toy or book, which is color coded. You will need to work with him until he knows the relationship of a specific color to the place where it may be found. You can color code the books separately according to their titles. Even if your child is too young to read as of yet, you are bringing literacy into his life in the natural setting of his room.
The importance of organizing his room is so that he will become accountable for his personal items. By becoming responsible, he will feel ownership of his personal items and therefore, build positive self-esteem.
Why use color-coding? Children with ADHD need stimulation. By incorporating a colorful cue as to where the material should be placed when they are finished with it, will help him to remember where it goes. By doing so, he will precisely know where to return the material to its place after accessing it.
The child with ADHD's activities within his environment should be structured and consistent as well. For example, he should do his homework the same time every day. In terms of not being restrictive, this is what I mean: The place where he chooses to do his homework, as well as where he will do his homework, may be varied and determined by him within his activity level. He may choose to do his homework at the kitchen table, walking around or lying down on his stomach.
Children with ADHD work best within their activity level as chosen by them. I would encourage him to do his homework by himself. That being said, you can scaffold or support him by asking him questions about his homework from time to time, which will give you an idea as whether or not he is doing it.
Caveat: I would NOT ask him if he has finished his homework, which might cause him to become angry and noncompliant. I would, however, ask him something about the subject that he is studying. For example, if he is studying certain Constitutional amendments, you might say, “I can never remember what the 14th Amendment says. Could you remind me?”
I would also color code his homework folders, and then teach him which color represents a specific subject. By doing so, the likelihood of him remembering to put each subject’s homework in his schoolbag is higher. He should place the completed subject in the prescribed folder immediately upon finishing it. The more organized the child with ADHD’s environment, the higher likelihood that he will feel comfortable in knowing what to expect in terms of his responsibilities. In that way, he will become more accountable in terms of his personal items.
Thanks for the response! We have a lot of this structure at home and I love the idea of the color coding -- but I was thinking more in terms of what to look for in a school. My son currently is in a public school where he has a very supportive IEP team BUT the entire school structure and environment is complete opposite for a student with ADHD - "open" type building where student classrooms are in pods, media room is in the center of the building, people are constantly coming and going, the bathrooms are just behind a false wall in the classroom, plus there are over 30 students in his 2nd grade class! I am interested in finding out what to look for in a school when you have a child with this diagnosis since I will be looking to see if we can find him a school with a less distracting environment.
ReplyDeleteHi Janel:
ReplyDeleteYour child’s school does sound as if it might be distracting to a child with ADHD, depending of course, on the child. I know that it may seem hard to believe, but children with ADHD need stimulation so that they can achieve hyperfocus. In fact, oftentimes, if a child with ADHD does not find stimulation, he stimulates himself, for example, by tapping a pencil on his desk, by spinning his chair, etc.
Therefore, some children with ADHD might respond to the school environment that you describe as distracting to your son, as one that instead, is stimulating. However, if your son finds his current school environment too distracting, he may need a more structured environment, where every component of that context is consistent and constant. Due to the tenuous economic situation in which our schools find themselves, it may be difficult to find a public school with smaller classes, unfortunately.
If cost is not an issue, then I would suggest a private school, which will most typically have smaller classes. I would suggest one with a person who is an expert in academic support, however. If private school is not an option, then perhaps find a town which would be characterized by a smaller population than the one in which your child’s school is currently located. If the population is not as large, then it is likely that the classes would be smaller.
Even more important, however than the number of students in a class, is the organization, structure, consistency, and predictability of the teaching, the classroom subjects, the classroom materials as well as the activities in which the children are involved. An example of that consistency, are rules for the children’s behavior that have been written in a positive tone and are based on a collaborative effort of the teacher and the students. These rules must be followed by everyone consistently.
In addition to classroom rules, the teacher’s lessons should be designed according to the developmentally appropriate needs of each child, as well as to each child’s individual learning styles, learning strengths and needs. In order to help the child with ADHD to focus optimally, the teacher should have the child’s desk as close to her desk as possible, without stigmatizing the child. Additionally, the child with ADHD should not be seated next to a child who has similar behavioral issues. So what am I really saying?
The appearance of the school as well as the number of the students in each class, is not nearly as important as whether or not the child’s needs are being met by a teacher who is extremely organized, consistent and patient in terms of the symptoms that a child with ADHD exhibits.
Therefore, when you look for a new school for your child, I would look to see if the teachers who are working with your child are warm, organized, consistent, patient, and knowledgeable of how important it is to teach children with ADHD inclusive of emotional intelligence. Our children need to talk about how they feel and desperately need someone to listen to them.
Please let me know if I answered your question.
Hello, I am writing to you as I have noticed a few changes in my little girl who is just after turning 3 last month.I know some of the signs of ahhd but do not no if she could have it. I am only just after turning 23 myself last month and I have another little girl who also turned 4 last month. But with my 3 year old I have always kind of noticed that she is hyperactive that she always has to be on the go! and that her concentration was not that good and her tantrums I noticed this bout a year ago and I just put it down to the terrible twos but I’m not sure she three now and she is a very picky when it comes to food if I gave her a dinner the only thing she would eat would be meat but not chicken keeves or any thing like that as she thinks its dirty! As they have the green herbs in side. She plays with her sister very well and my friend’s kids they get on grate but sometimes she would lash out on them by hitting, bulling hair and biting at times. But one thing I have noticed is that if I brought her to a party she wouldn’t really mix well she would be playing by herself or if she really knows a child well like her sister or my friend’s children she would kind of stick to them. her eye contact is ok but she wouldn’t consist look in your eyes especially if I was telling her not to do something she will keep dong it so I would put her in the naughty corner and I would explain to her why she was there and she will not look at me she would look on the ground or turn her head away. (This could be what kids do I know my other girl doesn’t like the eye contact really with me if I’m telling her watt she did wrong. But she doesn’t care if she in the naughty corner she will spit at me and hit me. She does get tantrums from a young age. She would just throw herself on the ground sometimes even hurting herself. But I have read some other comments on your page and I have notched that some children have a thing about being clean but she does not if any thing I can’t keep her clean! I she is so messy. Also her new thing is that she does not like ketchup and she used to love it but she stopped liking it there bout a month ago. Could you please contact me back and let me know if you think these are signs. Also my brother has ADHD is this genetic? but she is a really loving child and some times she can act babyish that might sound strange as she is only 3.She does not have trouble sleeping and I no this is a sign nut she sleeps good only sometimes she wouldn’t but most of the time she sleeps good she would not wake up in during the night but it can be hard getting her asleep. Also she can be scared at times like she will not go on a bouncy castle trampoline even if her friends are on it. It is hard for me to bring her to town with me, I had her out of buggy about a year go waiting for taxi and she had tantrum and I was with my sister and 3 people came over to me asking me was the child ok ! I was embarrassed I just let like people was looking at me as a young mother thinking I didn’t no what I was doing! It was horrible. Please get back to me and let me no whats your opinion. Thank you
ReplyDeleteHi:
ReplyDeleteThank you for writing. I will try to help you as much as I can, but it is very difficult to do so via a blog entry. The first thing that I would do is to take your daughter to either a developmental pediatrician or a pediatric neurologist, so that they can evaluate her. I could not possibly diagnose her via this blog. Some of your daughter’s behavior may or may not be consistent with a typical child who is three years old. I am sorry but there are so many questions for which I would need to have answers, before I could possibly comment accurately. Additionally, I would have to meet her and observe her in order to make an accurate diagnosis.
You did a comprehensive job of explaining her behavior. However, there are other questions to which I would need answers. For example, does she have language? If so, how fluent is her language? Does she become frustrated when she cannot express what she wants to say? What happens immediately before she has a temper tantrum, or hitting, pulling hair or biting?
In answer to your question concerning whether or not ADHD is genetic, “…it now appears that hereditary factors play the largest role in the occurrence symptoms in ADHD symptoms in children” (Barkley, 1998, p. 176). However, there are other factors that exacerbate the child’s symptoms, as well, such as environmental and social factors.
There are a few bits of advice that I can give you, however. First, children who are distractible and hyperactive seem only to receive negative comments and remarks from teachers, peers and parents. They arguably experience low self-esteem each day of their lives. Therefore, the last thing that they need is to be placed in what you call the “naughty corner.”
Instead, what they need is to hear positive comments from their caretakers. There are times in the day, albeit a small number of those times when these children exhibit positive behavior. They must be rewarded for the positive behavior, in some way, either in the form of a hug or a lollipop, etc.
Second, try to talk to her (if she has speech) and find out what is upsetting her. Arguably, no one asks these children why they are upset. Perhaps something happened that has frustrated her that has nothing to do with your interaction with her.
Please feel free to email me and ask me as many questions as you wish, or get my book on Amazon or Barnes and Noble. The title of my book is entitled, ADHD and Social Skills: A Step-by-Step Guide for Teachers and Parents, published by Rowman and Littlefield.