DO I DISCIPLINE MY PRESCHOOL CHILD WITH ADHD WHEN HE CANNOT CONTROL HIS OWN BEHAVIOR?

 

Should preschool children with ADHD be disciplined when it is known that they cannot control their own behavior? Clearly, they do not willfully misbehave. As delineated in the diagnostic criteria that describe ADHD, these children are impulsive, hyperactive, and inattentive. Certainly, I would implement all of the interventions that you will read about or have read about in my first book, ADHD and Social Skills: A Step-by-Step Guide for Teachers and Parents. Sometimes, however, you may feel that your child needs something more.

 

Do you believe in time out? If you do, here is a caveat: By giving a preschool child with ADHD time out, you may be punishing him for behavior that he cannot control. When you tell a preschool child with ADHD that he has to go to time out, you take the chance of embarrassing him and making him feel poorly about himself. These children already have poor self-esteem. Why make them feel worse about themselves? When time outs are used with these children, they may just be counterproductive. “Unfortunately, using a time-out as a punitive method with kids diagnosed with ADHD may turn out to be counterproductive” (Armstrong, 2018, np). In fact, there is every reason to believe that preschool children with ADHD will just be more active when they are in a place where they are alone. They will, in all likelihood, stimulate themselves. What is the alternative? What these preschool children with ADHD need is a place where they can try to achieve some quiet and relaxation. Permit them to have control over the time that they spend in a place that they choose.

 

In fact, give your child a Time Timer1 and tell him to make a decision on the length of time that he will spend there. You can call it “the quiet place,” “the relaxation place,” or whatever your child wants to call it. There is no reason to make your child feel worse about himself than he already does by making him go to a typical time out. You can instead help your child to realize that he needs some time to unwind. What can he do in his quiet time? He can look at a book, listen to a book, draw a picture, listen to music, or do something else that he enjoys, such as a puzzle.

 

Because you’re changing the purpose of a time-out from passive punishment to working out problems, suggest activities that your child can do in the time-out area to help him gain control and feel better. Possibilities include

 • Visualizing an image that helps him cope (a special place in nature, a favorite trip, or an imaginary journey).

 • Meditating (focus attention on the inflow and outflow of breath, notice distractions that pop up, and return to focus on the breath). • Doing physical relaxation exercises (the yoga pose called the Cat) or imagining that you’re in a cozy elevator. As you feel it slowly descend, you feel more relaxed.

 • Thinking about, writing down, or drawing the solutions to his or her problem (Armstrong, 2018, np).

 

One other activity that your child can do when he is in his quiet place is for him to use a Me Reader. These are electronic readers that typically come with eight books. When you push the button, a voice reads a story to your child. One example is The World of Eric Carle. The instructions are located on the back of the book cover. These Me Readers are really quite entertaining because in addition to a pleasant voice reading your child a story, each story is accompanied by pleasant sounds. Each picture has a color-coded button that corresponds to the text box border on the page that your child is reading. When it is time to turn the page, your child will hear a pleasant chime.

How can you Help Children with ADHD (and Similar Issues) to Adapt more Easily to Online Learning?

 

Here are some pointers:

1.     1.  Remain compassionate about your child’s negative feelings about online learning.

2.      2. Create a school-type environment by giving your child his own desk as well as placing it in an area with few distractions.

3.      3. In the morning, map out your child’s schedule for the day.

4.     4.  After going over his schedule, start him off by writing or drawing a picture of only one assignment on a post-it. When he completes his assignment, allow him to rip up the post-it and throw it away.

5.     5.  If you see that your child is distracted, shorten the work. He will gain more self-esteem by finishing a small amount of work than he will by not completing a longer assignment.

6.     6.  Make time for your child to exercise in some way, on a stationary bike, or on a walk outside accompanied by music to calm him.

7.     7.  At the end of the day, debrief your child. Discuss with him what was productive and what he could improve upon the next day. (Always talking in a positive way.)

 

 

Do Preschool Children with ADHD get Bullied?

 

YES! Preschool children with ADHD certainly do get bullied. In fact, in addition to preschool children with ADHD being bullied, they are also bullies. What does bullying encompass in terms of preschool children with ADHD’s behavior? The bullying might be kicking, knocking down a project, such as block building, being ignored, tripping, as well as not being allowed to play.

How do you convince your preschool child with ADHD to talk about having been bullied?

1.      Try to set up a time for a conversation every day.

2.      Do not put much emphasis on when the bullying happened.

3.      Talk about what happened.

4.      Encourage your child to discuss his feelings.

5.      Use books that have a focus on bullying to encourage your preschool child with ADHD to talk about being bullied.

Here are examples of some books that may help you to encourage your child to discuss the fact that he has been bullied:

Alexander, C. (2008). Lucy and the bully. Park Ride, IL: Albert Whitman and Company.

Best, C. (2001). Shrinking violet. New York: Farrar, Straus & Giroux.

Henkes, K. (2008). Chrysanthemum. New York: HarperCollins Publishers, L.L.C.

Read the book one time to your preschool child with ADHD. Read the book again. Then, talk about bullying to your preschool child with ADHD. Ask him if anything like that has happened to him. The most important thing that you can do is LISTEN to whatever your preschool child with ADHD is saying about having been bullied. Do not interrupt your preschool child with ADHD’s train of thought. Give it a try!

The Emotional Health of Preschool Children with ADHD During Covid

 

The world seems mixed up and upside down to most of us now, due to Covid. In fact, preschool children with ADHD may be worried, sad, and frustrated. Their symptoms may worsen due to their new inconsistent routine. They may experience stress due to changes in their routines,as well as a disconnect from family and friends and major events, such as birthday parties being cancelled. They may have feelings that they cannot control and have difficulty staying focused. One mom the other day told me in a zoom meeting that her daughter just simply walks around saying, “I’m worried, mommy,” most of the time.

What can you do to help your child to simply feel better?

1.      Try to maintain a routine.

2.      Be transparent and truthful about Covid and the need to quarantine if required.

3.      Validate your child’s experiences. Ask him open-ended questions so he is more likely to explain how he feels.

4.      Stay connected with their social networks so they continue to communicate with their friends and family.

5.      Be positive about as much as you can so that he may pick up on your attitude and respond in the same way.

6.      Respond intentionally to your child’s socially inappropriate behavior instead of reacting to it. By responding to his behavior, he will exhibit more socially appropriate behavior than socially inappropriate behavior.

7.      Exercise in some way and encourage your child to do the same in an effort to remain calmer and more relaxed. Even taking a walk or listening to music in an active way may diminish some of his hyperactivity.

 

DEVICES AND ACCESSORIES TO CALM YOUR PRESCHOOL CHILD WITH ADHD DOWN

 

Do you need devices to help to calm your child down? If your child is wiggly, you can try a Kore Design Wobble Chair. It is supposed to exercise muscles and relax children so that they are less hyperactive. Here are some more accessories that you can find on https://www. funandfunction.com/ or sometimes on https://www.amazon.com/.

• My Magical Cushion—This is a fidget seat that is supposed to reduce the wiggles.

 • Mushy Smushy Beanbag Chair—This chair is marketed to produce calming benefits.

 • Fishy Gel Cushion—This chair is supposed to permit the child to wiggle while he is doing something else.

• Mini Mushy Smushy—This chair is supposed to control the wiggles.

• Tactile Sensory Ball—This ball is supposed to make sitting more stimulating. Some other chairs and cushions that may help soothe your child’s energetic nature are the following.

• Hokki Stools—These stools are available on www.amazon.com and are marketed for children who are ages five to eight, so make sure that your child is at least five years old. While sitting still, this stool moves so that your preschool child with ADHD can use his energy as he sits and has a conversation or is involved in a quiet activity, such as coloring or drawing

• Disc ‘O’ Sit Jr. Cushions—These cushions are available on www.amazon.com. They help a preschool child with ADHD to achieve a balanced position when he is sitting.

• Howda Chairs—These are also available on www.amazon.com. These chairs are roll up, portable chairs. They can move back and forth and have adjustable straps in case you want your preschool child with ADHD to feel snug or loose.

• The many types of seating for active children found on the website www.moving-minds.com.

THE GUILT: IS MY PRESCHOOL CHILD WITH ADHD’S INATTENTION, IMPULSIVITY, AND SOCIALLY INAPPROPRIATE BEHAVIOR MY FAULT?

 

Here is where the guilt ensues. You may experience three sources of guilt. The first is related to your typical child. There is absolutely no time in the morning but to try to get everyone into the car to go to school. Sometimes, you forget something that your typical child needs for school and are left running there to bring him that object. You are left with such sad feelings because you forgot about his needs! By the time 9:00 a.m. arrives, you are definitely ready for a nap. However, in all probability, you have to get ready for work and travel there yourself! Additionally, you may be upset that you spend so much energy managing your preschool child with ADHD’s behavior, as compared to the time you spend with your typical child, but what can you do? Nothing!

 

The second is related to your concern that your preschool child’s ADHD is your fault. It is not fair to you. ADHD does run in families, but the reality of the cause of ADHD is unclear. It is not fair to blame yourself because there are so many possible causes for your child’s ADHD. As was stated previously, the reality of the cause of ADHD is not clear as of yet. “However, scientists have discovered a strong genetic link since ADHD can run in families. More than 20 genetic studies have shown evidence that ADHD is strongly inherited. Yet ADHD is a complex disorder, which is the result of multiple interacting genes” (https:// chadd.org/about-adhd/overview/#sthash.Dmdenc1v.dpuf). However, your preschool child’s ADHD may or may not have a genetic basis.

 

 The third is that you may be thinking that the cause of your preschool child’s ADHD may be related to your parenting skills or techniques. Whereas parenting skills do interact with your child’s behavior, they are not the cause of your preschool child’s ADHD. So, can you or should you blame yourself? No! First of all, blaming yourself for your child’s symptoms is not productive in terms of diminishing these symptoms. Second of all, condemning yourself for anything negative as related to your child is way too stressful.

 

In consideration of the fact that ADHD does run in families and you think that you have ADHD as well or have experienced the symptoms of ADHD in your lifetime, you are in a good position to help your preschool child with ADHD with his symptoms. If you did exhibit behavior similar to your child’s conduct, retrace your behavior as a child and think about how you behaved and how your parents managed your conduct. Additionally, ask your parents and other family members how you behaved as a child so that you will know if they intervened in any way and how they tried to help you diminish your socially inappropriate behavior.

 

Similarly, if you were distractible as a child, ask your parents how they helped you to try to become more attentive, if they did so. Did they try to help you at home based on their own ideas, or did they interact with your teachers and work together with them? What did they do to effectively help you? Did they feel that they successfully assisted you?

 

Were you impulsive as a child, either physically or verbally? Are you impetuous now? If so, how do you manage your own impulsivity? If your child is rash, think about your own impulsivity. Did your parents intervene in any way to manage your impulsivity? What did they do? Were they successful? The more information that you gather, the easier it will be for you to try to manage your preschool child with ADHD’s behavior.

WHAT STRESS SHOULD I ANTICIPATE IN TRYING TO MANAGE THE BEHAVIOR OF MY PRESCHOOL CHILD WITH ADHD?

 

The amount of stress that you experience depends to a large extent on what kinds of events cause you to become anxious. Some people become frazzled in their work environment and not in their home environment. For others, the opposite is true. How each person deals with the impact of stress is also individual. Perhaps stress and how each person responds to it may be related to whether or not these individuals have other successes in their lives. Perhaps it is related to whether or not they have friends. Perhaps it is related to whether or not they have a successful relationship with a significant other. Perhaps a person’s stress is related to something out of their control and of which they are not aware.

 

So, it appears that stress and how it affects each person is related to an intersection of many variables in their lives. It is also important how long that a person permits stress to affect them. Do you have stress at work and let it affect your interaction with your child? If your child spills a cup of juice on your wood floor, do you start yelling at him instead of realizing that these types of things happen and have him help you to clean it up? As has been stated previously, none of us are perfect. Therefore, if you have had a stressful day at work, on that day, it just may happen that you reprimand your child more harshly than he deserves.

 

Just remember, however, that preschool children with ADHD react differently than children who do not have ADHD. Their self-esteem may not be formed yet and in fact may be negatively impacted by their ADHD, so they may become more upset than a typical child. These children certainly do not mean to behave in an inappropriate way. Therefore, they are not exhibiting socially inappropriate behavior on purpose!

 

As I have stated previously, these children are somehow reprimanded and yelled at all too frequently, so if you have done so, just try not to let it happen all of the time. If it does happen, explain to your child that you have had a rough day at work and that you did not mean to yell at him for whatever he did.

 

A child’s socially inappropriate behavior may result in harsh parental reactions which may, in turn, increase the preschool child with ADHD’s socially inappropriate behaviors even more. It is possible that if you intercede by talking to your child about the negative behavior that you feel he should not have exhibited, you may have interrupted the child’s socially inappropriate behavior just enough to stop it for that moment.

 

 Back to stress. . . . The reality of raising a preschool child with ADHD is that you will be dealing with stress as related to the behaviors that your child exhibits, the reactions of people who witness your child’s behavior, the attitudes of teachers toward your child, and the responses of your family to seeing behavior that is in all likelihood dissimilar to their own child’s behavior. Additionally, and even more important is that trying to manage your child with ADHD’s behavior every minute of every day, as a preschool child said, is “super” stressful.

 

 It is imperative that you work on trying to control your own stress, (and clearly that is not easy), so that your child does not pick up negative signs from your behavior. You almost have to develop a turtle shell so that you are not constantly upset. Acting as if other people’s negative responses to your child’s behavior does not affect you is very difficult, but it is essential to try to do so.

 

The situation that is one of the most difficult is that every simple request that you ask your child to do may result in him behaving in a socially inappropriate way. That is arguably the most stressful part. The only way to diminish your stress (because you will in all likelihood not erase it) is to think intentionally and ahead of time about all of the possible socially inappropriate behaviors that your child might exhibit. In that way, when and if these socially inappropriate behaviors occur, you will have a plan of action as well as a barometer of your own stress.

 

Make a list of the socially inappropriate behaviors that you have observed over a five-day period of time. Next to each behavior, write a possible response for yourself. The use of the word “response” here instead of the word “react” should indicate to you that your behavior must be well thought out and planned. In the introduction to this book, you will find a discussion of this predetermined way of thinking. A reaction is a quick and uncontrolled behavior. A response is well thought out and strategic. The discussion of this thought process is stated again here to emphasize how important your behavior is to your child’s behavior. If you are organized and intentional in your mind ahead of time, you will respond (and not react) to your preschool child with ADHD’s behavior in the best way possible, while experiencing as little stress as possible.

Do I Manage All of the Socially Inappropriate Behaviors that my Preschool Child with ADHD Exhibits?

 

There are some behaviors that you will find more success at diminishing if you selectively ignore them instead of managing them. The main idea here is that children will often continue behaving in a certain way if they receive any attention of any kind, positive or negative. Therefore, if parents want to diminish certain specific behaviors, they should purposely and selectively ignore these behaviors.

 

 An important concern here is your own stress. If you can successfully ignore your preschool child with ADHD’s socially inappropriate behaviors, your own stress levels will decrease. If you are able to do so, you will have successfully eliminated some of the behaviors that your child exhibits that annoy you, as well the ones that give you the most stress.

 

There are two caveats here, however. The first caveat is that the use of selective ignoring must be consistent and correct. What does this mean? It is imperative that any adult who is observing her child’s socially inappropriate behavior must not comment on that behavior. This means that neither parent should engage the child in discussing the socially inappropriate behavior that he is exhibiting. In fact, if either parent talks to the child about the socially inappropriate behavior that he has just exhibited, that behavior will most likely increase once again.

 

 However, if the selective ignoring of socially inappropriate behavior is to work most effectively, it is vital that positive behaviors are recognized and praised. For example, if the child is continuously getting out of his chair at a meal, when he does sit as is required, the parents need to immediately say, “I love the way you are sitting and staying in your seat.” The previous phrase or similar comments may not seem natural for you to say, but they will really work to diminish your child’s socially inappropriate behavior.

 

The second caveat is that, in order for selective ignoring to be effective, there is some likelihood that the child’s negative behavior will increase to a larger degree before it ceases immediately. Therefore, if you pay attention to the child’s socially inappropriate behavior as it increases temporarily, your reaction will cause the child’s behavior to remain and possibly even grow in intensity.

 

 I cannot say that the child knows or even understands that when his parent attends to his socially inappropriate behavior that his behavior will escalate. However, it just happens that when parents reinforce a negative behavior, there will be an increase in the number of times that the child exhibits that behavior, as well as an increase in the intensity of that behavior.

 

 Ignoring socially inappropriate behavior is challenging for parents, however. Parents must learn to respond instead of to react. The reactive response would be to say to the child who is bouncing up and down in his chair at a meal, “Stop that now. Do not do that or you will have to go to time out.” Instead, responding is a much more effective tool than reacting, because it is behavior on the parent’s part that is intentional instead of unpredictable. The responsive behavior would be to say, “I really like the way you are using your napkin to wipe your face when it gets dirty” while ignoring the inappropriate behavior of bouncing up and down in his chair.

 

What are some examples of behaviors that are not very serious (yet parents may find extremely annoying!) but nevertheless need to diminish, so that the preschool child with ADHD can interact successfully?

• bouncing up and down in his chair at a meal

 •continuously using repetitive language

 •banging his silverware on the table at meals (unless the table is glass and may break or become damaged)

• whining

 • interrupting

 • name calling

 • making strange noises

 • getting in and out of his chair

 • screaming

 • excessive talking

 • running continuously in the house and sliding on the floor

 • throwing his toys on the floor and laughing

 • whining in the grocery store

 • pushing his sibling (unless there is a wall or a hard surface into which he can push his sibling’s head)

 

 I observed one preschool child kicking the dinner table underneath him. His mother absolutely could not stand his behavior. She yelled at him several times to stop and he just kept on doing it and doing it. Finally, she screamed at him to stop at the top of her voice and he stopped . . . for just a few moments, and then he began to kick the table again! You should have an intentional and prescribed set of responses that you are ready to access at all times. It is vital for you to behave in a predictable and a responsive way, rather than behaving in a reactive way. If you react to your child’s behavior, then you will be as out of control as your child!

How can Parents of a Child with ADHD Help him to Stay Focused on his Remote Learning?

 

Currently, most parents are involved in assisting and/or supporting the remote learning of their elementary age or preschool child with ADHD. We may think that these children would hyperfocus and latch on to their remote learning subject, therefore not getting up from their seat. This hyperfocus may or may not happen and may or may not last. Your child may become distracted by absolutely anything, their sibling, the family pet, or just the task itself.

Some type of reinforcement is in order here, so think of something small that is in your preschool child with ADHD’s interest area. If you decide to use stickers, for example, do not just give him a sticker that he puts on his body or on the table. Buy him a blank sticker book so that your preschool child with ADHD can see the stickers accumulate that he received when he behaved in a socially appropriate way. Remember, in addition to these short-term goals, you always want to keep in mind the longest-term goal of all, which is positive self-esteem.

What would you do if your preschool child with ADHD does not really care about stickers? Find out what he really cares about, whether it is playing on an iPad for five minutes, watching a few minutes extra of his favorite show, drawing with a new marker, eating a snack after dinner such as fruit snacks, drawing outside with sidewalk chalk, blowing bubbles, or counting all of the change that you have collected in a cup in your room! In fact, you can give him one fruit snack (to be eaten after dinner), for each minute he remains in his seat at a meal!

The only thing that matters here in terms of the value of the reinforcement is whether or not he has a real interest in that reinforcer or reward. Oh, and you may have to change the reward frequently so that it does not lose its value. You may also have to frequently change the schedule of the reinforcement. For example, you may begin this intervention by giving your preschool child with ADHD a sticker each time he stays in his seat for two minutes. Then, you can give him a sticker for every other time he stays in his seat for three minutes. When you switch to four minutes and then five minutes, follow the same plan.

What Do You Think Might Affect your Preschool Child with ADHD’s Behavior?

 

Do you think that your home routine affects your child’s behavior? Each and every person runs their home in a different way according to their own personality. Some people are very laid back and relaxed, so therefore, their child’s behavior has to be very obstructive to bother them. Other people are much more affected by even a small evidence of their child exhibiting socially inappropriate behavior and feel compelled to act upon it immediately. However you respond, your house should run based upon a specific routine that will hopefully result in more agreeable and appropriate behavior on the part of your child. Preschool children with ADHD crave order and a reliable routine so that they will know what is expected of them at all times. After an organized plan is executed, they will need some time to adjust to it, but in the long run, they will behave more appropriately in response to that predictable structure. This is true especially in consideration of the fact that the most typical characteristic of preschool children with ADHD is hyperactivity, which is anything but predictable. 

Preschool children with ADHD who are hyperactive need some stimulation to lock them into behaving in an appropriate way or to hyperfocus. Perhaps, depending on the child, receiving rewards or praise may stimulate a child so that he will behave in a more socially appropriate manner. That stimulation may come in many forms. I know that you may not think that my paradoxical logic makes sense. However, children who are hyperactive need stimulation to become calmer. 

I would, however, use selective praise so that the effect of the reward or praise does not lose its effect too quickly. Be careful about exactly which behavior you praise. Do not praise every behavior that your child exhibits that is positive. Try to praise effort as well. Preschool children with ADHD exhibit many annoying behaviors (as many parents have told me). What should you do when it comes to managing all of your preschool child with ADHD’s aggravating behavior? Tune in later…

A Cooperative Project

 If you live in an area where you have space, you can start a garden of any kind, either vegetable or flowers. I would actually recommend planting a flower garden, because vegetables may take up to 80 or 85 days before your plants will yield those vegetables. Remember, however, that you should break the work involved in your garden into many simple steps.

You certainly do not want your preschool child with ADHD to become overwhelmed and lose interest. Very importantly, do not use yourself as a barometer as to when you feel that you have done enough work in the garden. Take a look at your child and see if he gives out clues that he has done enough for one day. Does he look tired? Is he walking around and not focusing?

I would also not recommend growing seeds with preschool children with ADHD because they really need more instant gratification than planting seeds will yield. You can break the planting of the garden into several components so that your child will see the benefits of planting it together. I would like to give you a little bit of advice here: Buy a few extra plants so that if your child does not take the plants out of their containers correctly and they are ruined, you have extra ones to plant. Here are some steps to planting a garden cooperatively.

     Decide on color scheme.

     Choose carefully and decide as to which plants will grow depending on the number of hours of sun that shines on the garden. Make a trip out to the patch of land several times a day where you are growing your plants. Why should you do so? In that way, both you and your child will learn information about how much sunlight that area of land receives per day as well as how much sun and how much shade your plant will receive. (Your child will depend on your horticultural expertise here, or you can always Google your question about the number of hours of sunlight that a certain plant requires!)

     Additionally, choose the size of the plot of land where your plant will grow depending on how much space you are allotting for your garden. You certainly do not want to grow sunflowers in a very small area because they need room to spread out vertically and horizontally! For example, New Guinea Impatiens need some sun and some shade, while the old-fashioned regular Impatiens need full shade. Vincas require full sun but can withstand drying out in hot weather.

     Go to the garden center and choose small plants together depending on your color choice and your size requirements. If you draw up a design format on paper (using symbols that your young child can understand), your child will quickly understand your restrictions. Ask the person who works at the garden center as to the type of soil that you will need, as well as any fertilizer and when to apply it. *Here is an important caveat! Buy plain soil with no included fertilizer so that your child will not be working with any soil with fertilizer in it, which could cause your child to experience an allergic reaction. Only buy fish fertilizer and/or fish/seaweed fertilizer for your plants. They are the absolute best fertilizers and are nontoxic for your child to use.

      Have your child cooperatively help you every step of the way, especially in terms of taking the plants out of the car and putting them in a safe place until you are ready to plant them.

     When you plant, explain to your child how to release the plants Then, show him how to release the plants from each temporary container, and help him to insert the plant into the ground. Tell him how far apart the pots will be planted. Show him how to put extra soil around each plant.

     Tell your child how to water, meaning to water until he sees the water drip down out of the bottom of the plants. If it is possible, avoid getting water on the flowers. (When water gets on the flowers, they will be stained a bit.)

     Finally, give your child praise as to how well he cooperated with you to plant the flowers.

     Each day, take your child to view the plants and talk about the changes that you both see. In fact, you might even want to graph the changes in a picture format so that your preschool child with ADHD can see the changes overtime.

If you live in the city and do not have room for so many plants, you can still execute this intervention. If you have room for a medium size to a large pot, go through the same steps as above, except for designing the garden, of course.

SHOULD YOU PERMIT YOUR PRESCHOOL CHILD WITH ADHD TO ENGAGE IN SCREEN TIME? (FOLLOWED BY AN EXAMPLE OF A GREAT APP!)

You have probably observed that your preschool child with ADHD needs stimulation and is always looking for something to do, which in many cases involves a screen. Therefore, it may be your cell phone, an iPad, a tablet, a computer, or a television. Do parents (including me!) employ these screens as a respite from the behavior that our children exhibit that is negative or socially inappropriate? Absolutely! Who could blame you? No one! What is the influence of screens on preschool children with ADHD? Screens offer preschool children with ADHD the opportunity to hyperfocus, or to lock in with intense concentration. These children need stimulation, and rewards and screens satisfy these needs. Preschool children with ADHD may become what I call “zoned out,” whether they are watching a television show or playing a game on an iPad. You may be confused by the term “hyperfocus” and ask yourself, “What is she talking about? My child has difficulty focusing so how can she be talking about an intense focus?”

Hyperfocus is the ability to zero in intensely on an interesting project or activity for hours at a time . . . the tendency for children and adults with attention deficit hyperactivity disorder (ADHD or ADD) to focus very intently on things that interest them. At times, the focus is so strong that they become oblivious to the world around them (Flippin, 2005, np).

Have you called your preschool child with ADHD to a meal, or asked him a question when he just stares ahead and does not answer you? Children and adults with ADHD have difficulty shifting attention from one thing to another. If they’re doing something they enjoy or find psychologically rewarding, they’ll tend to persist in this behavior after others would normally move on to other things. The brains of people with ADHD are drawn to activities that give instant feedback (Barkley, 2005, np). Preschool children with ADHD appear to exhibit less hyperactivity and/or inattentiveness during a period of hyperfocus, which typically occurs when they watch a television show, play a computer game, or a game on their iPads. Is hyperfocus a good thing? It is advantageous to intensely focus on completing a puzzle or building an intricate Lego structure. Many young children play iPad games or watch television. However, there may be damaging effects of these screen-involved activities depending on the length of time that they are engaging in them. There is much research that indicates that there may be some negative side effects as related to your children using screen time.

As your child grows, keep in mind that too much screen time or screen time that is of poor quality has been linked to:

• Obesity
• Irregular sleep schedules and shorter duration of sleep
• Behavioral problems
• Loss of social skills
• Violence
• Less time for play (www.mayoclinic.org, 2017, np)

A better goal for the parents of preschool children with ADHD for their child is to build their child’s creativity and independent play, which they are not going to do while he is concentrated on a screen.

If your child is sitting on the couch staring at the television show, or playing a game on an iPad, is he using his mind for creative play? My opinion is probably not, though there is room for some imagination when a child is accessing apps. I am not advising you to never permit your child to have screen time. Instead, I am saying that it would be smart on your part to limit the time that your child spends on screens, as well as make sure that he independently plays. Just to explain a bit more about the negative effects of your preschool child with ADHD spending time on screens: When your child is involved with screen time, he is inactive. Radesky and Christakis (2016) found that “heavy media use during the preschool and early school-aged years is associated with increases in body mass index(BMI)”(p.834).Therefore, if your preschool child with ADHD is involved with screen time, make sure that he gets some regular exercise as well to counterbalance his inactivity.

That being said, why would you introduce your preschool child with ADHD to apps? Why would you not just have your child play with typical toys? As I have said before, preschool children with ADHD, especially those who are hyperactive, need stimulating materials and activities to grab their attention. Therefore, apps for preschool children with ADHD are worth trying if you think that these children will be successful at them. They should be colorful and interesting to your child, however, accompanied by pleasing sounds and positive reinforcement.

There are two caveats, however. The first caveat is to be aware at all times of what app your child is accessing and what activities are included in the app. I know that parents have so much to do each day, especially those who work. However, please supervise your preschool child with ADHD on whichever device you choose for him to use. If you are not available to supervise your child, please have another adult oversee him.

Additionally, you need to make sure that the activities on the app are just challenging enough to be interesting yet not too challenging to be frustrating to your child. The second caveat is to be aware of advertising that maybe embedded in some Android apps.

Finally, set up some sort of timer and manage the time that your child spends watching television or playing a game on an iPad or a computer. Do not permit your child to watch more than one hour a day or play an app or a game on an iPad more than one hour a day.

Just remember how young your preschool child with ADHD may actually be in terms of being at an immature developmental level as a result of his ADHD.   Shaw et al.’s (2007) research was definitive about the immature developmental levels of children with ADHD. In addition, make sure to read the policy statement written by The American Academy of Pediatrics in terms of the recommended restrictions of the use of digital media for young children. That being said, here is a great app that you might want your child to try!

One Great App for your Child to Access

Breathe, Think, Do with Sesame (Apple/Android)

I highly recommend this app, which I truly love! It teaches problem solving of everyday problems such as the child being frustrated putting his shoes on, not wanting to separate from his mommy when he goes to school, becoming upset when the building he made fell down, being impatient when he has to wait his turn to go down a slide, and being afraid of the dark when he goes to sleep. Before I forget to tell you, you can listen to this app either in Spanish or English, which is a real plus.

The app opens and shows a friendly monster, whose name is Mando, telling your child to choose an activity. When he taps on an activity, the narrator explains the monster’s problem. Then he tells the child to tap on the monster’s belly to help him to put his hands on it. As the monster does so, the narrator states that he is taking three deep breaths, which helps him to calm down.

As the monster calms down, the narrator tells the child to think of a plan to solve his problem. In order for the child to do so, he is told to pop bubbles with thoughts of planning in them, so that the monster can think of a plan. After the child pops the bubbles, which he just does by tapping on each bubble, he is shown a plan of action that the monster may take. When he is finished popping the bubbles, the monster has decided upon three plans of action to solve his problem, which the narrator goes over again at the end of each problem-solving example.

Therefore, the child has three possible plans from which to choose, which the narrator states again and has the child make a decision as to which plan to choose. The bubbles come up, accompanied by very pleasant, light music somewhat like a triangle or a xylophone. At this point, the child is shown the importance of developing a plan again and how to make one, including beginning with taking three deep breaths. He tells your child to breathe, think (of a plan), and do (carry out) the plan. The instructions continue with the monster experiencing another problem. The same instructions follow for each of the monster’s problems. The instructions are the same, so therefore are predictable, which is perfect for a preschool child with ADHD who does best with routines. This is executive function exemplified!

Another great part of this app is the parent’s section, which is easily accessible by dragging the rectangle to the lower-right-hand corner of the iPad. Parents are offered tips and strategies for everything from strategies for persistence and coping with separation to other tips about issues that are not included in the apps, such as adjusting to a move and managing sibling rivalry. This is just awesome!

There is also a Let’s Breathe option that is explained in more detail within the app. Finally, and really the best part, is a section where you can encourage the monster to think of plans using your child’s own voice! Just amazing! What a great innovation!

Here is a fabulous bonus! If you go to www.sesameworkshop.org,you can access (for free!) videos of characters learning to be patient, not giving up, and saying bye-bye for now. For example, when you listen to the videos, a character talks in a rhythmic way, offering your child examples of what to do when he is waiting so that he can remain patient. There is simply no negative that characterizes this app for preschool children—with supervision, of course!

Does your Child with ADHD Feel Anxiety about the Coronavirus?

Many adults feel anxious about the Coronavirus and its ramifications for their families. Many children with ADHD feel anxious as well and need to understand their feelings as well as having them validated. As parents who also may have similar anxiety right now, how can you help your children? There is a subtle balance between helping your child with ADHD to express his feelings and subsequent anxiety and causing him to shut down and not talk about how he feels.

So, what should you do? Try to immediately have a conversation with your preschool child with ADHD about that change. If your child does not want to talk, however, do not try to force him to talk about the change that has occurred. Instead, see if he will draw some pictures to represent how he feels, or tell you what to draw that will represent how he is feeling. If he will not draw, just wait it out in the hope that he will be ready to talk very soon. 

Here are some possible questions to ask your child with ADHD to encourage him to talk about his feelings about the virus:

What does he think about the fact that the virus has occurred?

Has he spoken to anyone about the virus? If he did so about what did they talk? 

What changes has he noticed in his own behavior? 

What changes has he noticed in his siblings’ behavior?

What changes has he noticed in his parents’ behavior?

As you are reading my list of questions, please realize that the answers to these questions will be dependent upon the level of maturity and/or developmental level of each and every child with ADHD. One child may be able to answer only one question while another child might be able to answer all of these questions. Just have patience while you are waiting for the answers to these questions because preschool children with ADHD for example will need approximately eight to ten seconds to form their thoughts and respond to each question.

 In addition to conversing about your child’s anxieties, it is possible that by employing resources such as reading books about similar life changes to your child with ADHD, he might be able to answer these questions more easily. It also would be a good idea to read your child a good book for children about anxiety such as A Little SPOT of Anxiety: A Story About Calming Your Worries by Diane Alber. This book explains anxiety in a simple way and offers methods to allay the child’s anxiety.

Do you Feel Guilty in Terms of your Child having a Diagnosis of ADHD?

You may experience three sources of guilt. The first is related to your typical child. There is absolutely no time in the morning but to try to get everyone into the car to go to school. Sometimes, you forget something that your typical child needs for school and are left running there to bring him that object. You are left with such sad feelings because you forgot about his needs! By the time 9:00 a.m. arrives, you are definitely ready for a nap. However, in all probability, you have to get ready for work and travel there yourself! Additionally, you may be upset that you spend so much energy managing your preschool child with ADHD’s behavior, as compared to the time you spend with your typical child, but what can you do? Nothing! 



The second is related to your concern that your preschool child’s ADHD is your fault. It is not fair to you. ADHD does run in families, but the reality of the cause of ADHD is unclear. It is not fair to blame yourself because there are so many possible causes for your child’s ADHD. As was stated previously, the reality of the cause of ADHD is not clear as of yet. “However, scientists have discovered a  strong genetic link since ADHD can run in families. More than 20 genetic studies have shown evidence that ADHD is strongly inherited. Yet ADHD is a complex disorder, which is the result of multiple interacting genes” (https:// chadd.org/about adhd/overview/#sthash.Dmdenc1v.dpuf). However, your preschool child’s ADHD may or may not have a genetic basis. 



The third is that you may be thinking that the cause of your preschool child’s ADHD may be related to your parenting skills or techniques. Whereas parenting skills do interact with your child’s behavior, they are not the cause of your preschool child’s ADHD. So, can you or should you blame yourself? No! First of all, blaming yourself for your child’s symptoms is not productive in terms of diminishing these symptoms. Second of all, condemning yourself for anything negative as related to your child is way too stressful.

Are you Feeling Stress Homeschooling your Child who has ADHD?

Life during this pandemic has certainly changed what we do as parents in our day to day lives. Previously, we got up every day and spent a substantial amount of time getting ourselves dressed and getting our children dressed, fed, and ready for school. Now, in addition to doing all the things in the morning that you typically do, you are also expected to teach your child academics. How difficult is it to teach your child? It is extremely challenging. Why? Your child with ADHD undoubtedly has trouble concentrating and focusing in his classroom, nonetheless, is being taught by you in your home. What happens?

You begin to homeschool your child and then “poof!” his behavior escalates into hyperactive and/or inattentive behavior so that each and every minute seems to last for an hour. You certainly try to teach him, but that mountain of unfocused behavior interferes with your effort. Then your stress begins. You become stressed, frustrated, upset, and ready to give up. You begin to reprimand your child for behavior that he cannot control. Then, you feel guilty about yelling at him.

Please do not blame yourself endlessly and please do not stress yourselves out trying to do something that you are trying that is so hard to do. Even if you are a teacher, working with your child with ADHD is very challenging. You can only try your best. When you experience stress, it is counterproductive to your being able to successfully teach your child and probably gives you headaches, stomach aches, or worse. Additionally, if you get up each morning dreading to teach your child because it stresses you out, you will needlessly suffer and arguably, your child will not learn to his full capacity.

The only way to get through this difficult time of teaching the same academics to your child that is required according to your school district is NOT to have unrealistic expectations for yourself. Even people who are teachers themselves have a hard time teaching their child with ADHD.  The advantage that you have in consideration of the fact that you are teaching your child with ADHD is that you are in your home with devices that you can use to help your child to focus. So that being said, before you teach your child, have him do the following:

1.     Some form of exercise

2.     Take four deep breaths

3.     Put on some music that he likes and have him dance to the music

4.     Include him in making breakfast

The most important issue, however, is please do not expect yourself to be perfect. Any effort that you are doing is extraordinary. Please just keep your sense of humor and you and your child will remain calm and succeed in both of you learning!

The Corona Virus: Help for Parents who have Children with ADHD

All of us are unfortunately in the same situation of living in close quarters for a long period of time due to the spread of the Corona Virus. It is almost untenable for adults, nonetheless for children who have ADHD. Why can’t I see my grandparents? Why can’t I see my friends? Why can’t I go to school? Why do I have to stand far away from another person? My heart goes out to you, these children’s parents because you are dealing with children who are vulnerable and may have a comorbid anxiety in addition to their ADHD. You are also dealing with your own anxiety about how to remain virus free.

You have a new responsibility for which you may not be trained; you are now homeschooling your children. Please be aware that during the homeschooling process which may not be easy, how you respond to your child’s behavior is paramount. You are also accountable and responsible in terms of making sure that your child completes all of his assignments and hands them in to the teacher on time.

What can you do to manage your child’s behavior in this uncertain time when none of us especially our children with ADHD understand what is happening in our society right now?

Here a few hints that I hope will help you.

You must always respond intentionally to any possible changes that have occurred as a result of the spread of the Corona Virus. In that way, you are able to reply to the ramifications of the virus in a calm and thoughtful way, instead of immediately reacting, which may result in undesirable and negative behavior by you. Your responses to this change in your life will serve as a barometer for your preschool child with ADHD’s responses to the changes in his own life.

The following are some questions that you might ask yourself about this terrible occurrence of Corona Virus:

The most important thing that you can do when a drastic change occurs in your family’s life such as the onslaught of this horrible virus is to try to immediately have a conversation with your child with ADHD about the virus.  I am going to list some possible questions here. However, here is a caveat: If your child does not want to talk, do not try to force him to talk about the virus. Instead, see if he will draw some pictures to represent how he feels, or if he will tell you what to draw that will represent how he is feeling. If he will not draw, just wait it out in the hope he will be ready to talk very soon.

     Does he realize that the virus has occurred?

     What does he think about the changes that have occurred in his life due to the spread of the virus?

     What are his feelings related to the spread of the virus and the changes in his life?

     Has he spoken to anyone about the virus?

     If he did so, about what did they talk?

     What changes has he noticed in his own behavior since he has been sheltered in his house?

     What changes has he noticed in his sibling’s behavior since they have sheltered in their house?

     What changes has he noticed in his parent’s behavior since they have been sheltered in their house?

As you are reading my list of questions, please realize that the answers to these questions will be dependent upon the level of maturity and/or developmental level of each and every child with ADHD. One child may be able to answer only one question while another child might be able to answer all of these questions. Just have patience while you are waiting for the answers to these questions because children with ADHD will need approximately eight to ten seconds to form their thoughts and respond to each question.

Please feel free to write me here or email me at estamrapoport@gmail.com or on Twitter at @adhdanswers and I will help you as much as I can.