Here is where the guilt ensues. You may experience
three sources of guilt. The first is related to your typical child. There is
absolutely no time in the morning but to try to get everyone into the car to go
to school. Sometimes, you forget something that your typical child needs for
school and are left running there to bring him that object. You are left with
such sad feelings because you forgot about his needs! By the time 9:00 a.m.
arrives, you are definitely ready for a nap. However, in all probability, you
have to get ready for work and travel there yourself! Additionally, you may be
upset that you spend so much energy managing your preschool child with ADHD’s
behavior, as compared to the time you spend with your typical child, but what
can you do? Nothing!
The second is related to your concern that your
preschool child’s ADHD is your fault. It is not fair to you. ADHD does run in
families, but the reality of the cause of ADHD is unclear. It is not fair to
blame yourself because there are so many possible causes for your child’s ADHD.
As was stated previously, the reality of the cause of ADHD is not clear as of
yet. “However, scientists have discovered a strong genetic link since ADHD can
run in families. More than 20 genetic studies have shown evidence that ADHD is
strongly inherited. Yet ADHD is a complex disorder, which is the result of
multiple interacting genes” (https://
chadd.org/about-adhd/overview/#sthash.Dmdenc1v.dpuf). However, your preschool
child’s ADHD may or may not have a genetic basis.
The third is
that you may be thinking that the cause of your preschool child’s ADHD may be
related to your parenting skills or techniques. Whereas parenting skills do
interact with your child’s behavior, they are not the cause of your preschool
child’s ADHD. So, can you or should you blame yourself? No! First of all,
blaming yourself for your child’s symptoms is not productive in terms of
diminishing these symptoms. Second of all, condemning yourself for anything
negative as related to your child is way too stressful.
In consideration of the fact that ADHD does run in
families and you think that you have ADHD as well or have experienced the
symptoms of ADHD in your lifetime, you are in a good position to help your
preschool child with ADHD with his symptoms. If you did exhibit behavior
similar to your child’s conduct, retrace your behavior as a child and think
about how you behaved and how your parents managed your conduct. Additionally,
ask your parents and other family members how you behaved as a child so that
you will know if they intervened in any way and how they tried to help you
diminish your socially inappropriate behavior.
Similarly, if you were distractible as a child, ask
your parents how they helped you to try to become more attentive, if they did
so. Did they try to help you at home based on their own ideas, or did they
interact with your teachers and work together with them? What did they do to
effectively help you? Did they feel that they successfully assisted you?
Were you impulsive as a child, either physically or
verbally? Are you impetuous now? If so, how do you manage your own impulsivity?
If your child is rash, think about your own impulsivity. Did your parents
intervene in any way to manage your impulsivity? What did they do? Were they
successful? The more information that you gather, the easier it will be for you
to try to manage your preschool child with ADHD’s behavior.
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