The amount of stress that you experience depends to
a large extent on what kinds of events cause you to become anxious. Some people
become frazzled in their work environment and not in their home environment. For
others, the opposite is true. How each person deals with the impact of stress
is also individual. Perhaps stress and how each person responds to it may be
related to whether or not these individuals have other successes in their
lives. Perhaps it is related to whether or not they have friends. Perhaps it is
related to whether or not they have a successful relationship with a
significant other. Perhaps a person’s stress is related to something out of
their control and of which they are not aware.
So, it appears that stress and how it affects each
person is related to an intersection of many variables in their lives. It is
also important how long that a person permits stress to affect them. Do you
have stress at work and let it affect your interaction with your child? If your
child spills a cup of juice on your wood floor, do you start yelling at him
instead of realizing that these types of things happen and have him help you to
clean it up? As has been stated previously, none of us are perfect. Therefore,
if you have had a stressful day at work, on that day, it just may happen that
you reprimand your child more harshly than he deserves.
Just remember, however, that preschool children with
ADHD react differently than children who do not have ADHD. Their self-esteem
may not be formed yet and in fact may be negatively impacted by their ADHD, so
they may become more upset than a typical child. These children certainly do
not mean to behave in an inappropriate way. Therefore, they are not exhibiting
socially inappropriate behavior on purpose!
As I have stated previously, these children are
somehow reprimanded and yelled at all too frequently, so if you have done so,
just try not to let it happen all of the time. If it does happen, explain to
your child that you have had a rough day at work and that you did not mean to
yell at him for whatever he did.
A child’s socially inappropriate behavior may result
in harsh parental reactions which may, in turn, increase the preschool child
with ADHD’s socially inappropriate behaviors even more. It is possible that if
you intercede by talking to your child about the negative behavior that you
feel he should not have exhibited, you may have interrupted the child’s socially
inappropriate behavior just enough to stop it for that moment.
Back to
stress. . . . The reality of raising a preschool child with ADHD is that you
will be dealing with stress as related to the behaviors that your child
exhibits, the reactions of people who witness your child’s behavior, the
attitudes of teachers toward your child, and the responses of your family to
seeing behavior that is in all likelihood dissimilar to their own child’s
behavior. Additionally, and even more important is that trying to manage your
child with ADHD’s behavior every minute of every day, as a preschool child
said, is “super” stressful.
It is
imperative that you work on trying to control your own stress, (and clearly
that is not easy), so that your child does not pick up negative signs from your
behavior. You almost have to develop a turtle shell so that you are not
constantly upset. Acting as if other people’s negative responses to your
child’s behavior does not affect you is very difficult, but it is essential to
try to do so.
The situation that is one of the most difficult is
that every simple request that you ask your child to do may result in him
behaving in a socially inappropriate way. That is arguably the most stressful
part. The only way to diminish your stress (because you will in all likelihood
not erase it) is to think intentionally and ahead of time about all of the
possible socially inappropriate behaviors that your child might exhibit. In
that way, when and if these socially inappropriate behaviors occur, you will
have a plan of action as well as a barometer of your own stress.
Make a list of the socially inappropriate behaviors
that you have observed over a five-day period of time. Next to each behavior,
write a possible response for yourself. The use of the word “response” here
instead of the word “react” should indicate to you that your behavior must be
well thought out and planned. In the introduction to this book, you will find a
discussion of this predetermined way of thinking. A reaction is a quick and
uncontrolled behavior. A response is well thought out and strategic. The
discussion of this thought process is stated again here to emphasize how
important your behavior is to your child’s behavior. If you are organized and
intentional in your mind ahead of time, you will respond (and not react) to
your preschool child with ADHD’s behavior in the best way possible, while
experiencing as little stress as possible.
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