How can you help children with ADHD deal with disappointment?

Unfortunately, disappointment is a part of each child with ADHD’s life in one way or another. These disappointments could manifest themselves as a child who has divorced parents looking forward to spending time with one of them and that person not showing up. It could manifest itself in hoping that he would be chosen in a game at recess and being rebuffed, instead. It also could manifest itself in not being invited to a birthday party.

It is crucial in terms of helping a child diminish his disappointment that he understands that these things happen to everyone and not just to him, as he thinks. In order to help him to deal with disappointment more easily, it sometimes helps to share some of your disappointments with him, either if you are his teacher or his parent. I am not telling you that you should tell him intimate details of your life, but it will help him to know that someone whom he respects has experienced disappointments as well.

For example, you could talk about a time when you looked forward to going to baseball game with a friend, and your friend became ill and could not go. You could discuss a time when you were looking forward to seeing your child who lives far away and was scheduled to come to visit you, and then found out that he had to work instead.

All disappointment is the same. We are all left feeling frustrated and sad that the event that was supposed to happen, to which we had looked so forward, did not happen. The most important thing that you can do to help a child who has experienced disappointment is to have a conversation about what disappointed him, when it happened, why does he think that it happened and how it happened. It is vital to discuss with him as to why it happened because in all likelihood the reason why it happened might have had nothing to do with what he imagined is the reason that it happened.

It is also important, however, to help him to have a reality check. If his behavior (and it should be emphasized that the reason might have been his behavior and not the person who he is!) caused someone to reject him, for example, then it is important to examine and to evaluate that behavior so that he can try to behave in a different way. More tomorrow….