Many parents who have children with ADHD go through this kind of dilemma. If they help their child to do his homework, every night is torture and they worry that their relationship with their child will be damaged. If they do not help their child with his homework, they worry that the teacher will be angry at their child and he will have to suffer the consequences of staying in for recess to complete it and/or be stigmatized as the “one” who never completes his homework.
What can you do? First of all, try to have your child do some form of exercise before he does his homework. Exercise has been shown to diminish hyperactivity and distractibility and will help your child to focus better. Second, when your child sits down to do his homework, if you see any resistance at all in terms of a specific subject, tell him to complete the homework first that he finds interesting or easier for him. Third, place a limit on the time that you spend trying to help your child. If you begin to feel frustrated yourself, stop and take a break.
When you get to a point that you and your child begin to argue, tell your child to do as much as he can and let the teacher handle the rest. It is vital for him to feel some accountability and responsibility. Not that you want your child to feel pressure and stress as a result of your comment that he should bring the homework that he cannot complete to his teacher, but it is her job to help your child with things that he simply cannot understand.
One of the problems with children with ADHD doing their homework independently is that they do not pay attention to the details of the instructions of how to do a particular assignment. If you have gone over the directions and have helped him for a short period of time, you must step away and let him handle whatever he can manage by himself. If he cannot finish the homework because he cannot understand it, then it is HIS responsibility to go o speak with the teacher.
This procedure may be a learning curve for you, but you certainly want to return to having a good relationship with your child instead of spending each and every night arguing with him.
wow. i may try this approach. but all my kids teachers ever do is give them little tickets or detentions when their homework isnt completed.
ReplyDeleteI have 2 sons. Both with ADHD, my 9 yr old also has Asperger's and my 7 yr old also has Dyslexia.
They have 504 plans that say they are supposed to do less work- but it never is less work. it takes me 4 hours every day to do both kids homework.
I will try to help you here but if you need more help, please go to my website for contact information and call me. I will be happy to help you. It is http://www.socialskillstrainingservices.com/ Also I would suggest getting my book. Here is the link http://www.amazon.com/ADHD-Social-Skills-Step-Step/dp/1607092808/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1289410137&sr=8-1-spell
ReplyDeleteOkay here we go... Children with ADHD, dyslexia and aspergers typically have low self-esteem and will feel great about themselves if they are completing their homework themselves. They certainly do not need to receive detention or tickets at 7 or at 9 or at any age! Those punishments will only scrape away at their self-esteem. I would talk to the teacher and find out if she can decrease their work load 20-30 per cent until they can complete their homework independently. We want to win the war here even if we lose a few battles. When they can complete the reduced amount of work, she should increase a little at a time until they can complete all of their work independently. They are not applying to college yet! Let's be real here!! You can certainly sit by them as you are doing something else and guide them, but then fade yourself out of the picture when you can. Look at the 504 plan and find out exactly what it says about the amount of work that they are required to complete. I know that you probbaly went through a lot in order to get them the 504 plan, but with dyslexia and aspergers they should really be designated and have accomodations under IDEIA 2004, which will give them many more services. Let me know what the 504 plan says. Contact me for more help, please. Thank you so much for writing!
Dr. Rapoport