Your seven-year-old child was playing with Legos and made an intricate structure. He also was playing with other toys and left them all over the floor. You also have a one-year-old child and are afraid that if those toys are left on the floor, it could be dangerous for your baby, in terms of him putting those toys in his mouth. Should you clean up after your seven-year-old?
If your seven-year-old becomes upset when he comes home from school and sees that the structure that he built is no longer there, that is your answer. If your seven-year-old is used to you putting away his toys and does not become upset, should you continue cleaning up after him?
NO! Why? First of all, even a seven-year-old child should receive the respect from his parent that he well deserves. His things are his private things. Despite the fact that his parent might be worried that his one-year-old brother might out those toys in his mouth, the one-year-old should be kept away from his things.
Second of all, the seven-year-old has been an only child for a long time and you want to discourage any possible jealousy and resentment.
Third, and perhaps most important is the fact that each person must learn responsibility and accountability. It is vital for children to learn to be responsible for their belongings at a young age so that being accountable simply becomes a part of their lives that begins in childhood and continues on into adulthood. When an individual works and his boss wants to see a certain report that he has completed, his boss will certainly not wait for him to locate it. It must be found and delivered immediately.
When a child is taught that he should put away one toy before playing with another, that is really the easiest way to be organized and responsible for his things. However, many children with ADHD seem to like many toys around them at the same time with which to play. The problem soon arises, however, is that they become overwhelmed by the accumulation of toys, books, etc. Hopefully, that overwhelming feeling can be used to teach them to take out fewer toys the next time they play.
Parents must explain to a child as to why it is so important to be organized and accountable as well as how to do so. One cannot expect a seven-year-old to clean up his room the first time by himself. Sit down on the floor with your child and discuss with him how to make a plan so that each toy lives in its own little place in his room, and that that place does not change. Children with ADHD need as much structure as possible. They respond positively to predictably and consistency. Then, so that this task does not become overwhelming, for about 15 minutes or so, after deciding which toy lives in which place, help him to put some of the toys away. (You can place clear boxes with different colored tops or stickers on the boxes to designate which toy should be placed in which location. This must be a collaborative effort, so that the child feels ownership of his toys, books, games, etc.) Come back with him later and put away the rest of the toys for no more than 15 minutes at a time. Continue doing this activity until all of the toys are put away.
Each day, help him put his toys away for just a few minutes, and begin to fade away after a week or so. In this way, at some point, your child will take responsibility over his own things and feel very proud of his effort. From then on, the responsibility of putting away his own toys should be his own, with a reminder, perhaps from time to time. If you feel that your child needs an incentive, I would incorporate that incentive, i.e., stickers, playing a computer game, going out with you alone without his sibling, etc., but I would also fade that out after a short time, as well. Being responsible and accountable should be its own incentive, after awhile!
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