Admit it: This Child is so Annoying!

Children with social skills deficits may behave in a very annoying manner to both their peers and adults. They may talk excessively without realizing that they are doing so or they may talk so infrequently that people do not even know they are in the room. Their parents seemingly do not like them; their teachers seemingly do not like them; and other children do not like them. I felt so sad hearing one of the mothers describing her child in such negative terms. I guess she was being realistic, but even so.

How do some teachers respond to children with ADHD, especially those children who are hyperactive?

Michael had ADHD-combined type. Belinda spoke about the difficulty that
Michael had experienced in school, specifically in terms of one of his teachers’ attitudes: And it was a battle. He was in her classroom I think, for four months, because after four months of he’s not getting it, there was no action from her to do anything. Um, I had him moved to a different classroom; I went and met with the principal. There were several incidences that made me very unhappy throughout the school year. And I told the principal that at this point, he does not need to be in her classroom. He needs to be put into a different class, which they did, and he seemed to be doing better. But we still had the old he doesn’t like to write, and if something gets tough, you know, the head itches, I need a drink, I need to go to the bathroom. It was a vicious kind of cycle. Nobody wanted to take the time to help. Nobody wanted to help figure it out. Nobody wanted to make a difference. They all just wanted to be the one to say “He’s not getting it. There is a problem.”

Mary Ann told me a similar story about her son Billy’s experience with his gym teacher:

But also in the classrooms that were somewhat chaotic, [sic] a loud gymnasium where all sounds are coming in loudly, and it seems that there is chaos. He’s had trouble finding, finding his focus when it seems like everyone’s running around crazy. So, even though the teachers in gym felt like they were in control, in his perspective, in what he was seeing, which is crazy, so he’s going to add to it, and run around crazy. So he was having to go to detention, actually for his behavior in PE. . . . It would be that he’d mess up on Thursday, and he would have to wait for the next Wednesday to go to detention. And she even talked about in-school suspension for his behavior in PE. And that type stuff was really starting to weigh heavily on me. I’d worry about him every PE day.

Bess offered an example of one among many negative experiences Aaron had had in gymnastics:

Gymnastics has been a problem, like other activities that we have gotten him involved at one time or another (Mom laughs, nervously), because he has trouble going with the flow. And he gets distracted from what he’s supposed to do very easily, and that can turn into behavior problems with, you know, goofing off with other kids, also sometimes misinterpreting social cues because he gets so focused on one way of doing things. Children such as Michael, Billy, and Aaron have problems interacting with others. To those who are familiar with children with ADHD, this is obvious, right? Bess also remembered a time when Aaron spoke in a disrespectful way to his grandfather. I can remember when he was four and he talked back to his
grandfather. I said nothing, because it was like, you know what the situation was with the grandfather.

I don’t want to say he asked for it, but the tone and attitude and the behavior was such that Aaron was “back at ya,” you know. I did correct him. I told him, Aaron that was not right, even though my thinking was, I’d have done the same thing as an adult. You’re a child, you don’t behave that way. So, it’s always been a very tricky situation. I talked to him at that point. I did say to him, Aaron, you know, you need to apologize; that was wrong. To let him know that it was unacceptable, but at that same point in time I knew that what he said was something that anyone, any adult would have said in the same situation. But the problem was that he wasn’t an adult. He was a child. He didn’t know he wasn’t supposed to say that. That was how he felt, so that’s how he handled it.

Parents and teachers know very well of these children’s behavior and how others respond to it. They are also quite familiar with the social skills problems that characterize these children, as one parent described: As far as social skills go, I do think that kids with ADHD have significant issues with this. Sometimes it seems to be a matter of the fact that they do not notice their own behavior as being unusual or inappropriate in any way. Thus, they make no effort to control it. But, even when pointed out, they often seem unable to control odd or inappropriate behavior. I am sure that all teachers have come across students who are inflexible and even noncompliant, like Michael. His mom explained:

When I’ve got his attention, I tell him, “Michael, you need to watch it, he is your instructor. Don’t fight. Don’t put yourself in a dangerous situation.” And many a time the teachers say, it’s okay; I’m glad he’s asking. I’m glad he’s questioning. And I say yeah, but, you know, there comes a point in time when he needs to say okay, instead of fighting it all the time.

What is causing these problems? Check out my next entry…