Do you remember when we discussed the child with ADHD being able to control his temper with adults? The whole idea of showing temper with adults is the same as showing temper with a child’s peers. If a child reacts (and you see that I am purposely using the word reacts here instead of responds) to a peer by having a temper tantrum, can the child with ADHD expect that child to be interested in playing with him? I would answer a resounding no to that question. It is the teacher or the parents’ job to give the child with ADHD an internalized plan for handling reactions to a conflict with a peer.
Try this method:
Do not react.
✱ Think about exactly why the peer is disagreeing with you.
✱ Is the disagreement based on something you said?
✱ Is the disagreement based on something you did?
✱ Is the disagreement based on something your peer thought that you were going to do?
✱ Is it so important who is right and who is wrong?
✱ Before you react, think about the questions above. Is there any other way you can respond without using your temper?
✱ Have the child say: “Do we have to argue about this?”
✱ Also have the child say: “How can we both end up being happy about this? This is not worth an argument.”
The best thing about this process is that by the time the child with ADHD has answered those questions, his temper has been diffused. You know your child with ADHD’s personality and his ability to learn steps in a task analysis such as above.
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