Especially for Teachers: How Children with ADHD can Control their Temper with Adults

When you, as the child’s teacher, see a child with ADHD becoming frustrated and showing his temper, you probably ask yourself, “How in the world does this child have the ‘wherewithal’ to show his temper with me, his teacher?” Well, believe it or not, I can guarantee you that the child with ADHD does not want to show his temper with someone with whom he may be embarrassed to interact later. Not that this is an excuse, but all of a sudden, everything builds up and becomes overwhelming in these children’s lives.

Think of a soda bottle that has been filled up to the top and then shaken up. What happens when you try to open it, especially if you try to open it too quickly? I am only too familiar with this happening to me at the wrong time and in the wrong place. The soda bubbles overflow uncontrollably. (It happened to me in the former Shea Stadium. I am sure that you can imagine that the man in front of me who was sprayed with my soda was not pleased!) In the same way, when children with ADHD become overwhelmed by perhaps too many instructions, too many transition changes, or being rejected by another child, they may “bubble over.” What can the teacher do? Can the teacher see the warning signs coming?

We certainly try to find these “trigger” behaviors, those that “seem” to happen before the child has a temper tantrum. It is difficult to know, sometimes, however. Something, perhaps an altercation with another child, may have occurred the day before or a couple of days before and the child with ADHD may be reacting now. Or, perhaps the child has become overstimulated with events or activities or changes in events and activities that typical children seem to manage quite well. Anyway, realistically, what can the teacher or parent do when the child with ADHD shows his temper?

Children with ADHD need structure and consistency in order to keep their life in order. In the same way, when their life is becoming or has become disorganized, they need consistency as well. That consistency should come in the form of a plan for them so they can learn to self-regulate their behavior. It is especially important for children who are older than elementary school age to learn to self-regulate their “out-of-control” behavior. How would it seem if a twelve-year-old child threw himself on the ground in the center of town and had a temper tantrum?

Before we discuss a specific method in order for a child to self-regulate his temper, it is important to point out that it is critical for the child with ADHD to understand that he must control his temper with adults. I am a firm believer in being honest and truthful to children with ADHD about exactly the difference between appropriate and inappropriate behavior. They must try to figure out what upset them so much as to cause them to have a temper tantrum in front of an adult.